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For Chinese, dinner is an important way to get a sense of what a potential business partner is like outside the office and to build trust. A dinner shows people how important and valued they are, and that means a good restaurant with nice décor and great service -- meaning several servers hovering over the table at all times.
Americans often call such long affairs banquets, but to Chinese they're just what's expected. And they take time: A multi-course dinner can last three hours, and may be followed by karaoke or some other entertainment.
In the U.S. these meetings are much shorter and simpler, and dinner generally isn't involved -- it's more common to have meetings over breakfast, lunch or coffee.
Breakfast meetings are rare in China. It's not polite to ask Chinese to meet for breakfast.
Those long dinners are one reason that Chinese don't conduct business over breakfast -- between banquets and entertainment, many of them habitually stay up too late for early-morning meetings. It's not unusual for a businessman to dine out a few evenings a week, as well as on some weekends. The head of a large Chinese bank told me he has dinner at home only a handful of times a year.
That would be unthinkable for many Americans, who see dinner as family time. Mr. O'Brien says he avoids business dinners in the U.S. at all costs, and starts his days early so he can go home at a reasonable hour to see his two young children and help his wife cook dinner.
Switching to Chinese ways can be puzzling for Americans. When business consultant Joan Mancuso was working for a U.S.-based multinational company, some executives asked her why the Asian sales team's entertainment bills were much higher than the American team's. Ms. Mancuso, whose parents came from China and who's been conducting business there since 1991, had to explain the importance of business meals to Chinese.
While dinners are considered the best way to entertain and build trust, business lunches are common, too. But they're far more than just gathering over salad and sandwiches -- it's not unusual for business lunches to include a couple of cold dishes, four to five hot dishes and sometimes alcohol, meaning they often last more than two hours.
Does it make sense to spend all this time and money on meals? It doesn't really matter -- it's what's expected of you when you do business in China. There, a successful business career requires a lot of face-to-face social interactions, and families have to expect a businessperson to stay out late frequently.
That would be intolerable to many in the U.S., but in China it's not as big a problem. Unlike in the U.S., where a live-in nanny is a luxury for most people, it's common for a middle-class Chinese family to have one or more live-in nannies to help with childcare and housework. Some people ask their parents to live with them once they have children.
But that's not to say wives don't resent the situation. (I don't know enough Chinese businesswomen to understand what happens in their homes). My female friends sometimes complain that their husbands dine out late too often -- though it's also true that many of them expect their husbands to do so. There's a Chinese saying that husbands who go home early every day are losers, yet in Chinese soap operas, one of the first things an angry wife says to her businessman husband is always "You're never home."
It also means busy parents have little time to spend with their children. A friend of mine's brother and sister-in-law have to dine out a lot with clients, and so are rarely home for dinner with their only son. They hire tutors to check his homework, have a nanny, and one of the child's grandfathers lives with them. My friend, who's been living in the U.S. for more than a decade and is a mom herself, was shocked how little time her brother and sister-in-law get to spend with their son. But given the evening demands of business life in China, she knows, there's not a lot they can do about it.
While Americans prefer to dine with their own families, sometimes the need for face time takes first priority. When I was covering telecommunications for the Journal, I'd go to industry trade shows and conferences, which were always crammed with meetings. Some days I went to two breakfasts, two lunches, many coffees, at least one dinner, a couple of meetings for drinks, and a few parties. And many people had much busier schedules than me. It was all about face-to-face meetings, and there wasn't time to sleep. Of course, after so much coffee during the day, it was impossible to sleep anyway.
相关阅读：
纽约的一位中国朋友刚开始工作不久便约一位基金经理见面吃晚饭。约了几次终于成功，但一吃完饭，基金经理就迫不及待地给丈夫打电话：“我这边完事了。很快到家。”搞得朋友内疚不已。
朋友犯了一个忌讳：在美国，至少在纽约，一般情况下，你不约一对一的工作晚餐，更不用提是第一次见面。这和中国简直有天壤之别。中国的商务会面，尤其是第一次，多是在晚餐桌上进行的。当我们轻描淡写地说“什么时候一起吃个饭”时，大家都心知肚明多是指持续两三个小时的晚饭。但美国人客气地说“什么时候大家聚一下”时，多是指一起喝个咖啡，下班后喝一杯酒，吃个一小时左右的早餐或午餐。
在中国约人吃商务早餐会被认为不礼貌甚至不给面子，因为很少有中国人愿意一大早起来做这件事。然而在纽约，早晨七八点钟赶到一个地方和某大公司高管吃早餐是再正常不过的事了。大家随便点些东西，极为简短地寒喧后便直奔主题，谈完事起身就走也无任何不妥。甚至可以在就座前告诉对方自己只有半小时或一小时时间。你做出努力来见面本身就是有诚意的表现，剩下有什么需要谈的可以通过电话或安排其他方式沟通。
我写过实力午餐，也就是有权有势的人每天到固定的几家高级餐厅吃中饭，主要是为了和他们一个重量级的人谈工作和拉关系。其实无论有无权势，午餐是这里最盛行的商务餐形式。如果你到金融机构聚集的华尔街和曼哈顿中城看一下就知道，写字楼里和周围的餐馆都是做午餐生意的。你可以通过午餐和同事交换公司里的小道消息，和上司谈工作计划，和客户谈生意。餐馆菜做得好坏不是最重要的，反正大家多是点一盘沙拉或一个三明治，谈得投机可以喝咖啡。即便是吃中餐，也多是自己叫自己的，不会叫很多道菜吃两三个小时。
晚餐是最微妙的。我的经验是美国人很少吃一对一的工作晚餐，特别是在双方不熟的情况下。一方面，他们习惯于把工作和个人生活分开，下班后是自己的时间，如果白天可以解决的事情，绝不愿意留到晚餐。另一方面，美国人家庭观念重，结婚的人下班回家陪家里人是头等要事，不是非去不可的社交活动可以理直气壮地说不，没有人会见怪。如果你结了婚有了孩子却常参加晚上的集体活动反而会有点怪。至少我是这么认为的。
笼统来说，工作晚餐多少带点社交意味，所以通常是集体活动，可以是两个公司为庆祝签订合同，也可以是欢送一位同事离开公司。而且晚餐还分坐下来的正式晚餐、自助餐和其他更简单的形式。如果要求正式着装，一定要遵守，不然是对主办人的不尊重。
我认为，其实中美商界对商务餐态度最重要的差别在于：在美国，商务餐是正式见面的延续，可能会对增进了解和信任起一定作用，但绝不是必须的。而中国人更看重在办公室以外见面，因为这样可以对一个陌生人有更多的认识。吃饭是个互相琢磨的过程，也是互相表达诚意的一种形式，所以在哪家餐馆吃，花多少钱都会被放到放大镜下观察。
