当我们没自信时，我们会做出错误的决定。我们会在恐惧的前提下做出选择，而不是以那些最好的东西为基础。如果你缺乏自信，生活可能会过得很糟糕。Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. - Yoda

Last week I did something that scared the hell out of me. I stood in front of nearly 200 financial planners and I talked to them about why financial blogs are a good thing.

I'm a confident writer. I've been doing this long enough that I know my strengths and my limitations. I've had enough feedback to understand that I'm an effective communicator - when I use the written word. I'm less confident as a speaker. I don't have time to pause to formulate my thoughts. I'm not able to edit. I'm afraid of being trapped in a corner without being able to talk my way out. Basically, I'm scared to speak.

It would be easy to simply refuse the opportunities that come my way. When somebody asks me to speak in front of a group, I could say "no". When radio and television stations call for an interview, I could say "no". But for the past two years, I've been following my own policy to say "yes" to new opportunities （so long as they don't violate my personal code of conduct）.

To say "no" is to live in fear. My goal is to continually improve myself, to become better than I am today. One way to do that is to do the things that scare me, to take them on as challenges, and to learn from them - even if I fail.

The magic of thinking big

In mid-November, a local station asked me to appear on live television. "I realize it's short notice," the producer wrote, "but we'd love to have you on the show if you're available tonight."

It's one thing to say that you want to overcome your fears, but it's another thing to actually do it. Fear is real. When I was asked to appear on live television, I was frightened. I remembered my disastrous interview with a Seattle radio station in early 2007. I thought about recent taped television interviews that I had hated. I was afraid of what might happen.

But I also thought about the things that had gone right. I thought of how my speaking skills had improved over the past year. I thought about my enthusiasm for frugality and personal finance. And then I thought of the book I was a reading, a book that I had bought for $1.29 at the local thrift store.

The Magic of Thinking Big was a huge bestseller during the 1960s. Written by Dr. David Schwartz, a professor at Georgia State University, the book contains dozens of practical hints and tips （and many anecdotes） to illustrate the power of taking risks to achieve big goals. Schwartz argues that nobody will believe in you until you believe in yourself.

So when the television producer asked if I wanted to appear on his show, I thought big. "Sure," I said. "I'll do it." I acted confident, but on the inside I was frightened. What I needed were techniques to boost my confidence and to overcome my fear.

Remember that those times when you feel that your ideas aren't good enough, or people are putting down on your ideas, or you're getting fired - that these are the same ideas that you're going to be celebrated for 30 years later. You almost have to have courage. - Francis Ford Coppola, The Godfather DVD commentary track

How to build confidence and destroy fear

Without self-confidence, we have a tendency to make poor decisions. We make choices based on fear instead of what is best for us. If you lack confidence, you might fill your life with self-destructive behavior. You might work at a job you hate. You may allow yourself to get deep in debt. You may find yourself moving from one bad relationship to another. Without confidence, you don't allow yourself to pursue your dreams.

In The Magic of Thinking Big, David Schwartz argues that all confidence isdeveloped. "No one is born with confidence," he writes. "Those people you know who radiate confidence, who have conquered worry, who are at ease everywhere and all the time, acquired their confidence, every bit of it."

Confidence is built slowly, one success at a time. I've learned that in order to overcome fear, I need to employ a variety of techniques. Here are a few that I've picked over the years, and which I've used to help myself get out of debt, and to develop the courage to speak before groups or to appear on live television:

· Don't dwell on failures. Draw from the things you've done right. My talk last week was far from perfect. But if I dwell on the things I did wrong, I'll psych myself out of future opportunities. I'll be scared to say "yes" when somebody asks me to speak. Instead, I'm trying to focus on the things I did right so that I can emphasize them in future presentations.

· Rehearse a positive outcome. Before my live television appearance, I watched clips of similar interviews on the same show. （I'm not a regular television watcher, so this was new.） I arrived at the station early, so I sat in the car, closed my eyes, and imagined the interviewer asking me questions about the subject. I imagined joking with her. I imagined it as a positive experience.

· Do not procrastinate. Procrastination promotes fear. When you're afraid, thinking is your enemy. Act. Do what you think is best, and do it quickly. The longer you take to act, the more time you have to talk yourself out of it, the longer you have to imagine the things that might go wrong. It's not enough to hope. Take action.

Here is a psychological principle that is worth reading over 25 times. Read it until it absolutely saturates you: To think confidently, act confidently. - from The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz

· To think confidently, act confidently. You've heard the phrase "fake it 'til you make it". Research has shown that faking confidence actually leads to the real thing. If you're in a situation where you're not sure what to do, act like you know what to do. Act confident and you will become confident. （Note that this isn't license to be a jerk. It's not a license to lie.） Schwartz says that we can change our attitudes by changing our physical actions. He recommends five specific behaviors: sit in front, make eye contact, walk faster, speak up （offer your opinion）, smile.

· Think like the other person. Remember that people are all the same. We each have the same fears and the same desires. Underneath, most folks are pretty nice. When you're in an uncomfortable situation, put yourself in the other person's shoes. While prepping for my talk last week, I used this technique to plan what I was going to say and how I was going to say it. I talked with a dozen financial planners to find out their concerns, and tried to address them in my talk. By doing this, I removed the fear that I wasn't addressing their interests.

· Maintain a positive mental attitude. In Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude, the authors write: "When [a person] is wrapped in the warm, secure belief that he will do well, he is actually able to do better than he knows. His defenses are relaxed; his guard down; he is able to stop spending emotional energy protecting himself from the possible hurts of failure; instead he spends his energy reaching for the probably rewards of success…Confidence has had a measurable effect on him - it has brought out the best in him."

· Get off your "but". In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, David D. Burns offers a variety of suggestions for building confidence and destroying fear. One of these is to learn to defeat a case of the "buts". Schwartz calls this excusitis, the "disease of failures". Burns says that the best way to deal with excuses is to argue with yourself. Every time you say, "I'd like to save money, but…", come up with a rebuttal to counter the argument. Keep going, fighting every excuse you make.

· Visualize success. In Feeling Good, David Burns also encourages readers to visualize success: "A powerful self-motivation method involves making a list of the advantages of a productive action you've been avoiding because it requires more self-discipline than you've been able to muster. Such a list will train you to look at the positive consequences of doing it." For example, if you've been holding back asking for a raise, make a list of only the positive possible outcomes. Once you've made the list, fantasize about your life after receiving the raise. Focus on the positive outcome that success will bring you.

· Look sharp. A lot of us experience poor self-esteem because we don't like the way we look. But we exacerbate the problem when we dress sloppily or are not well-groomed. I'm not pointing any fingers. My friends and family can readily attest that I'm one of the worst culprits. I'm often unshaven, dressed in sweats, slouched at my desk. Why? I lack self-confidence. But when I have an important meeting, the simple act of putting on nice slacks, a dress shirt, and a tie can change my mindset entirely. Take care of yourself.

· Do the right thing. if you do the right thing, and you do it well, what do you care what other people think? Successful people will always have critics. Learn from the critics or to ignore them, but don't let them bring you down. Do the right thing, and confidently own the consequences.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. - from Dune by Frank Herbert

· Keep things in perspective. I know a woman who is paralyzed by what other people might think of her. She's always on pins and needles, waiting for some cutting remark. Even small things in innocuous conversations become huge things in her mind, rebukes for imagined transgressions. This sort of thing saps any chance at self-confidence.

· Don't seek perfection. Remember that the perfect is the enemy of the good. This is a huge problem in my own life. Somewhere along the way, I've become a perfectionist. I only want others to see me at my very best, whether it's on the blog, on television, or even on Twitter. But this perfectionism takes work, and it saps my confidence. Do you know anyone who has ever been perfect? Me neither. Do your best and let go.

· Read the success literature. Research others who have succeeded. Self-help manuals get a bum rap, and many of them deserve it. But not all of them. There are many fantastic books out there that offer advice on how to improve your life. Read them. Learn from the experience of others. （I've found 50 Success Classics to be a powerful motivator [my review].）

· Don't compare yourself to others. Be yourself. I'll tell you a secret. There are a lot of personal finance blogs out there. I don't get to read them as often as I used to, but I do try to make the rounds once every week. Sometimes when I do this, I feel like giving up. I feel like quitting. I lose confidence. "I can't write that well," I think. "I can't cover retirement investing as well as Jim did." Comparing myself to others is counter-productive. It only makes me feel inadequate. Who cares what other people write, or how well? What's important is simply producing the best work I can. All I can be is myself.

The techniques I've listed are effective, but here's the thing: No list you find on the internet is going to magically make you more confident. No list is going to grant you instant CSS skills, or give you extra money, or make you a better writer. In order for these techniques to be effective, you have toact on them. You have to pick one or two and practice them. Then move on to another pair and practice those.

It's important to put these tips into action. Do something, if only for ten minutes a day. Tell yourself that you'll move toward your goals for ten minutes a day. If you don't succeed, do it again. Keep going until you do succeed. Never give up.

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face…You must do the thing you think you cannot do. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Further reading

I've barely scratched the surface of what it takes to develop self-confidence. If you, too, have struggled with this, I encourage you to borrow one of the following books from your public library. （These are the books mentioned in this article.）

· The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz

· Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns, M.D.

· How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie

· Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude by Napoleon Hill and W. Clement Stone

If you simply want to find more web reading related to this topic, check out the following:

· Zen Habits: Conquer the fears lurking in the dark corners of your mind

· Get Rich Slowly: The power of "yes": A simple way to get more out of life

· The Simple Dollar: Investing in yourself: Self-confidence

· Soul Shelter: The magic of thinking big

The Magic of Thinking Big - the book that inspired this post - is outstanding. It's sold millions of copies in the fifty years since it was published, and no wonder. On the surface it may seem like touchy-feely feelgood stuff, but deep down, it's built on strong psychological principles. Here's Tom Butler-Bowdon's summary of the book.

Moving forward

Tonight I will speak to a group of graduating seniors at Western Oregon University. I'll talk to them about debt and money management, and about pursuing their dreams.

When I gave this same talk last year, I was nervous. I was afraid. I was worried that I'd do poorly. Even after I'd finished, I thought it hadn't gone well, so I was surprised to learn that the group had given me high marks.

There's no guarantee that tonight's talk will be a success, of course, but I know one thing: I'm much more confident going into it than I was last year. I know that I've done this before. I know that last week I spoke before 200 financial planners. I have positive experience to draw from.

By facing my fears head-on, by taking action, I really have been able to build confidence and to destroy fear.

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. - from Walden by Henry David Thoreau

恐惧是通往黑暗的必经之路。恐惧导致愤怒，愤怒带来仇恨，而仇恨则带来痛苦。-Yoda

上周我做了一件令我非常害怕的事情。我站在近200个财务规划师面前，给他们讲了理财博客为什么很好的原因。

我是个很有自信的作者。我写博客有很长时间了，所以我知道自己的长处和短处。我已经从读者那里得到了相当多的回馈，因此也懂得我是个有效率的沟通者-至少在我用文字的时候是这样。我不太能编辑。我很担心自己陷入某种状况中而没能把想法说出来。基本上我是很怕讲话的。

如果我想把这种说话的机会拒之门外是很容易的一件事。有人要我在小组面前说话，我可以说"不".电台或者电视台邀我去做访谈，我也可以说"不".然而过去的两年里，我一直在遵循自己的一个原则：就是对新机遇说一个"好"字。（至今他们也没有违背我的行为准则）.

说"不"相当于生活在恐惧之中。我的目标是不断地改善自己，要变得比今天的我更好。一种方式就是做那些我不敢做的事，把它们当作挑战，然后从他们身上学习-甚至在我遭遇失败的时候。

梦想的魔力

去年11月中旬，当地一家电视台叫我上一档直播节目。"我知道这是个很短的小通告，"制作人这样写道，"不过我们很想让你参加这档节目，如果你今晚有空的话。"

事实上，说你想克服自己的恐惧是一回事，但是真正去做却是另一回事。恐惧是那么地真切。当我被邀请上直播节目的时候，我感到害怕。我记得2007年在西雅图广播电台做的一起节目，那次节目糟透了。我想起了最近那些我很讨厌的电视访谈，所以我很害怕接下来会发生什么。

不过，我又觉得事情已经走上正轨了，我想到自己过去一年里说话的技巧已经有所进步了。我想到我对节约以及个人理财的热情，然后我又想到正在读的那本书，是在当地旧货店里逃到的，只花了1.29美元。

The magic of thinking big是上世纪六十年代最畅销书，由佐治亚州大学教授大卫施华兹所写，该书包含了很多实用的技巧和建议（还有很多趣事）,解释了达成大目标时冒险的力量。施华兹认为：只有你自己相信自己了，其他人才会相信你。

因此，当电视台制作人问我是否想上节目时，我想到了这个大目标。"当然，"我说。"我来。"我表现得很自信，不过内心又很恐惧。我需要的是一些可以增强自信以及克服恐惧的技巧。

记住那些让你感觉你的想法不太好的时候，或者人们会把想法强加在你身上，或是你被解雇了的时候-这些想法在三十年之后还会再次被你想起。你必须有勇气-Francis Ford Coppola

如何建立信心，战胜恐惧

当我们没自信时，我们会做出错误的决定。我们会在恐惧的前提下做出选择，而不是以那些最好的东西为基础。如果你缺乏自信，你可能会让自己的生活充满各种自毁式的行为。你可能做一份自己很厌恶的工作，你可能让自己陷入债务之中无法自拔。你还可能发现自己从一段坏的恋情频繁地换到另外一段糟糕的恋情。没有自信，我不会让自己去追寻梦想。

在the magic of thinking big一书里，David认为所有的信心都是培养出来的。"没有谁天生就有自信，"他写道。"这些有自信的人会散发出自信，会战胜忧虑，会在不同的地方，不同的时间里泰然处之，他们在任何场合都获得自信。"

建立自信的过程很缓慢，一次一点点。我知道，要想战胜恐惧，我就需要采取各种不同的技巧。以下是我多年以来采用的一些方法，其中有过去曾让我走出债务危机的方法，还有让我在上直播电视节目时找到自信，开口讲话的方法：

1. 不要专注在失败的经验上。从你做对的事情上汲取经验。上周我做的访谈跟完美一词还差很远。但是如果我总想着自己说错的话，我会让自己失去将来说话的机会。当有人要我说话时，我会害怕说"好".相反，我会试图把注意力放到自己做得好的地方，这样我就会在下次当众说话时强调这些优点了。

2. 预演好的结果。在我做直播电视节目之前，我看了这个节目类似的访谈片段。（我并不常看电视，所以感觉很新鲜。）我早早就到了台里，因此我坐在车里，闭上眼睛，想象主持人问我相关问题时的情景。我想象自己和她开着玩笑。我想象这次访谈非常轻松愉快。

3. 不要拖延时间。拖延时间会造成更多的恐惧。当你感到害怕时，思考会是你的敌人。行动。做出你认为最好的行动，而且要快。你越久做出行动，你从恐惧中跳出来的时间将会更长，而你也会更多地去回想自己可能做错的地方。没时间做祈祷了。行动吧。

这是个心理学原理，值得读上25遍。直到这句话充满你的内心：要想充满信心地进行思考，请先充满信心地做出行动。--摘自the magic of thinking big.

4. 要想充满信心地进行思考，请先充满信心地做出行动。你一定听说过这句话：假装自信，直到你真的变得很自信。研究表明装自信确实可以让自己自信。如果你所处的状况是你不确定要做什么，那么你可以做自己知道要做的事情。充满自信地行动，你就会变得充满自信。（注意这并不表示你在犯傻，也不表示你在撒谎。）施华兹说我们可以通过改变身体上的行动来改变态度。他推荐物种特别的身体动作：坐到前面，眼神交流，走快点，开口说话（说出看法）,微笑。

5. 像其他人一样思考。记住，人在这方面是一样的。我们每个人都有相同的恐惧，相同的渴望。在这些表象之下，大多数人都很好。当你处在一个不是很舒服的情境中时，请让自己站在别人的角度想想问题。上周我去做访谈时，我就用了这个方法，计划了一下自己将说些什么，以及如何说等等。我和十几个财务策划师聊天，以找到他们关注的焦点，再试图把他们融入到我的谈话中。通过这种做法，我摆脱了恐惧：怕自己说的让他们不感兴趣。

6. 保持一种积极的心理状态。在通过积极的心理状态走向成功这本书中，作者写道：当某个人充分相信自己，信任自己的时候，他就会做得好，他实际上能比自己认为得更好。他的思想防线很放松，他能让自己停止消耗感情能量来保护自己不受可能发生的挫败的伤害；相反，他能够积聚起能量去获取成功可能带来的奖赏。自信对他产生了相当大的影响-它带给他最大值的成功感受、

7. 扔掉你的托词"但是".在感觉良好：全新的情绪治疗这本书里，David D.Burns给了读者很多建议，让他们建立自信，战胜恐惧。其中之一就是学会战胜各种各样的"但是".施华兹把这个称作托词，也就是"导致失败的顽疾".Burns说对付这种托词最好的方法就是跟自己辩解。每次当你说，"我是想存钱的，可…"你都用一个反例来对付这个托词。持续进行下去，跟你自己的每一个托词作斗争。

8. 看到成功的未来。在感觉良好一书里，David Burns还鼓励读者想象成功时的场景。"一种强有力的自我激励方式一定包含了一系列有成果的行动的优势，而这些优点正是你一直在避免的，因为它需要更多的自律，比你能做到的程度大得多。"比如，如果你一直不敢要求加薪，你可以列出一个含有各种积极结果的表。一旦你列出这个表格，想象一下自己加薪之后的生活。一定专注在成功将带给你的积极意义的结果上。

9. 注意穿着。很多人都经历过自信心不足的情况，因为我们都不喜欢自己的长相外貌。不过当我们穿着随意，邋遢的时候，我们把这个问题加重了。我并不是要指责谁。我的朋友和家人都能证明，我是个最坏最坏的人。我常常不刮胡子，穿着汗衫，无精打采地坐在桌子上。为什么呢？我缺乏自信，但是当我有重要会议时，我只要穿上好一点的宽松裤子，一件衬衣，一条领带就可以完全改变我的思想状态。请你照顾好自己。

10. 做对的事。如果你做对的事，你就会做好，你怎么还会关心其他人怎么看你？成功的人总会遭到人们的批评。从批评中学习，或者忽略它，但不要让批评毁掉你。做对的事情，并且自信地得到结果。

我不能害怕。恐惧是思想的杀手。恐惧会带来毁灭性的灾难-小死。我会面对恐惧，我会让它路过，让它穿越我。当恐惧穿越之后，我会在内心看到它的轨迹。恐惧消失了，那么什么都没有了。只有我，还在这里。--摘自Frank Herbert的Dune.

11. 看事物的全景。我认识一个女士，她总是对别人如何看待她感到不知所措。她总是等待别人说一些刻薄尖锐的话。无关紧要的对话中谈论的小事在她那里就变成很大的一件事，而且马上演变成一种侵犯。这些事让自信的力量几乎消耗殆尽。

12. 不要追求完美。还记得完美是好的敌人吧。这是我生活中的一大问题。不知道从什么时候开始，我变成了一个完美主义者。我只想让别人看到自己最好的一面，不管是在博客，电视上，或者甚至是在Twitter上。但是这种完美主义需要费心思，而且削弱了我的信心。你认识总是表现完美的人吗？我是没有。请你竭尽全力，顺其自然吧。

13. 读一读成功故事。研究那些获得成功的人。自助式的指南受到人们的谴责，不过这些指南中很多都确是如此。只是并非所有的书。有很多可以提供如何改善生活的不错的书籍。读一读。从其他人的经验里学习。（我看的是五十个成功经典故事，这是个非常有效的自我激励书籍。）

14. 不要拿自己和别人作比较。做自己。我要告诉你一个秘密。网上有很多个人理财博客。我现在没以前那样经常读他们了，不过我确实试过每周都去兜一圈的做法。有时候我这么做了，感觉真的想放弃。我想洗手不干。没了自信。"我没法写那么好，"我想。"我没法写得像吉姆那么好。"拿自己跟别人比较的反效果非常明显。它让我感觉自己的不足。谁管别人写得什么呢，或者多好呢？重要的是写出我能写出的最好的文章。我能做的就是我自己。

我列在上面的方法很有效，但请注意这一点：网上看到的方法也好，技巧也好都不会神奇地让你变得更自信。没有哪些方法会马上带给你什么技能之类的，或者额外给你一笔钱，或者让你成为一个更好的作者。要想让这些方法变得有效，你必须据此采取行动。你得从中挑出一两个实践它。然后，再换两外两个再进行实践。

把这些小贴士付诸行动非常重要。你得做点什么，即使只是每天十分钟。告诉自己每天的那十分钟里你将朝向自己的目标迈进。如果你没有成功，再做一次。保持前进的状态，直到成功。永不言放弃。

每次当你真正停下来看着自己的恐惧的时候，你都获得了力量，勇气，以及信心。你必须去做你认为自己做不到的事情。--Eleanor Roosevelt

延伸阅读

我写的这些在培养自信方面还没有抓到皮毛。如果你也曾跟自己的恐惧斗争过的话，我建议你到公共图书馆借以下书籍来看看。（这是这篇文章提到的几本书。）

1. The Magic of Thinking Big 大卫施华兹

2. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy 大卫伯恩斯

3. How to Stop Worrying and Start Living 达乐卡内基

4. Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude 拿破仑希尔

如果你只是想找相关这个主题的网络资源，请查看以下内容：

1. 禅的习惯：Conquer the fears lurking in the dark corners of your mind

2. 缓慢变富：The power of "yes": A simple way to get more out of life

3. 美元美元：Investing in yourself: Self-confidence

4. 精神避难所：The magic of thinking big

The magic of Thinking Big启发我写了这篇博文-这本书非常精彩。过去五十年间，它出版发行了百万册，而这一点都不奇怪。表面上它看起来似乎是个感觉良好的东西，但是更深层次上，它是一本建立在深刻心理学原理的书。这里是汤姆巴特勒伯顿写的该书的梗概。

向前进

今晚我会为西俄勒冈大学给一群高年级学生演讲，我会给他们讲有关债务和金钱管理的话题，还有追求梦想的内容。

去年我演讲同一个话题的时候，我很紧张。我很担心。我怕自己做得很差。甚至当我完成演讲的时候，我还是觉得好像不太好，因此当我知道小组给我高分的时候，我感到很惊讶。

当然，今晚的演讲也不能保证就一定成功，但是我知道一件事情：我比去年更自信了。我知道我从前做过，我知道上周我还在200位财务策划师面前大谈特谈的，我有积极的经验可以吸取。

通过直面恐惧，采取行动，我已经建立起真正的自信了，我战胜了恐惧。

如果一个人充满自信地朝着梦想的方向前进，并且努力去追求自己想要的生活的时候，他会在某个普通的日子里遇到自己不曾想到的成功。--摘自亨利大卫梭罗的"瓦尔登湖"