The New Year, Chinese or otherwise, has now passed. The parties, and any hangovers, are long gone. Unfortunately, for many of you, your New Year’s resolutions are only memories. The gym bag sits forlorn in the corner, the bean sprouts wilt in your fridge. Your intentions were good, I know. You resolved to get into a new exercising habit, eat better, spend more time at work, spend more time with the family, or volunteer for a local charity. Or maybe all of the above (Yikes!)

To those of you who are sticking to your New Year’s resolutions I say CONGRATULATIONS! Don’t be too smug. For those of you who have not, I say CONGRATULATIONS!

Why would I congratulate people who haven’t stuck to their resolutions? Simple. They MADE resolutions. Deciding to change yourself, really committing to be a better person in some way, is not a decision arrived at easily. The fact that you decided to change yourself means that you’ve taken stock of yourself. You’ve reflected. You haven’t let the powerful forces of rationalization prevent you from committing to self-change.

“But,” you say, “I failed. That’s terrible isn’t it? It’s so depressing. Why even bother trying if it’s so hard?”

I have news for you: You are not perfect. You are not all-powerful. Self-change is hard, so it’s not terribly surprising that you didn’t get it right the first try. So, stop feeling so bad. It’s like when someone gets thrown from a horse. What do the horsie-types say? You’re supposed to get up, brush the dust off, and get back on that horse! That’s what you need to do right now.

Follow these steps:

1. Tell yourself, “It’s okay.I failed, but there’s nothing new in that.” Think of all of the other times you’ve failed. Re-read Leo’s post on how great failure can be [link to that post]. Don’t let the powers of rationalization take you further, though. Don’t give into the thought: “It’s okay. I don’t need to be better. It wasn’t all that important anyway.” Ask yourself this: If changing yourself wasn’t so important, then why did you decide to do it in the first place?

2. Congratulate yourself for wanting to be better.As a social psychologist, I know how extremely easy it is for people to excuse themselves their shortcomings. Your decision to be better takes moral courage.

3. Figure out what went wrong.Were you too ambitious? Was your plan too vague?

4. Form a plan that is informed by your failure.If you didn’t get to the gym because you slept in, plan to go to bed earlier. If you ate the wrong foods because you found preparing healthy food too time-consuming, find ways to make it less time consuming. If you stayed too late at work (again and again), schedule events with the family earlier in the evening.

5. Get going!

新年，春节或者其他什么以年度来衡量的节日都已经过去了。聚会，宿醉也早已经烟消云散。但不幸的是，对于大多数人来讲，为新的一年而作的计划也已经成为记忆里的过去式了。运动服还整齐放在衣柜的角落里，减肥餐也冰冷的陈列在冰箱里。你的愿望是美好的，我能理解。你希望在新的一年你培养自己运动的习惯，开始健康的饮食，更努力的工作，跟家人分享更多的时间，或者参加慈善义工。或者甚至你想做上面说的所有事情。

对你们中那些在新年里坚持按照你们的计划行动的人，我要祝贺你“你做到了！”。但千万不要太沾沾自喜。同样对于你们中那些没有做到的，我也要祝贺你们！

为什么我要祝贺那些没有实践自己计划的人？原因很简单。他们已经开始计划了。已经决定作出改变，已经为了让自己在某方面做的更好而自我承诺了，这不 是一个 很容易就能下定的决心。事实上当你决定作出改变的时候就证明你已经检视过自己。已经自我反省了。你没有让那种自我安慰的力量去阻止你改变自己。

但也许你会说，“我失败了，这很糟糕对么？这个结果非常令人沮丧。如果这个过程这么痛苦为什么我还要费力去尝试？”

有些事情我想让你知道：人是不完美的。你不是全能的。自我改变是个很艰难的过程，所以初次尝试的失败结果并不出人意料。所以，不要再雪上加霜让自己感觉更糟糕。就像一个人从马背上被甩下来一样，如果是个坚强的骑手会怎么做？他会站起身来，掸掸灰尘，然后重新骑上马背！你现在也需要做同样的事情。

按照下面的方法：

1.告诉你自己“没什么。我失败了，但这很正常。” 想想以前你失败的经验。不要让那种自我安慰的力量影响你。不要想着：“那没什么，我不需要这样折磨自己。这样的改变也没什么大不了的。”应该问自己：如果自己的计划没有那么重要，那为什么一开始的时候还要下定决心做这件事情？

2.为自己想要改变的愿望而高兴。作为一个社会心理学者，我知道人们为自己的缺点开脱是一件多么容易的事情。想要让自己变得更好本身就需要极大的勇气。

3.了解到底是哪里出了问题.有没有做不切实际的计划？还是计划的细节太模糊笼统了？

4.从失败的基础上修改你的计划。如果因为睡懒觉而耽误了去健身房，那就在新计划里让自己早睡一会儿。如果觉得阻止你的健康饮食计划是因为需要太多时间准备食物，那就想办法缩短准备的时间。如果总是工作到很晚，那就把和家人的聚会放在一个稍早的时间里。

5.继续前进！