If you’ve ever seen a spider lure a fly into its web you’ll know that brains not brawn is the secret to emerging victorious in any confrontational act. In an argument you should take the roll of the spider. Stay calm and focused as you build your case (web), and lead your opponent neatly into the sticky parts while you stay on safe ground yourself.

Have you been at the losing end of more than just one argument lately? Read on for some comprehensive keys that will help you unlock your winning strategies and lure your opponents into your web.

1. Soft and steady wins the race:
It’s basic human nature – the louder you talk, the louder your opponent shouts. An argument is not about who can out-shout the other, it’s about making the other person see your point of view, by hook or by crook. One hook you can use to draw them to your side is to speak softly at all times, no matter what the provocation. Do not let your emotions get the best of you, for if you do, you let your defenses down. Remain calm under any circumstance, and at some point in the course of the argument, your opponent will run out of steam.

2. Information is power: Know your facts before you
get involved in an argument. When you’re able to provide absolute proof that you’re telling all the facts, you have the added edge in coming out on top. If your opponent is as good at arguing as you are, it helps not to let errors and half-truths creep into your argument – he’ll be sure to call you out on them.

3. Paying attention pays: Winning an argument does
not entail just presenting your side of the case, you also have to listen very carefully to what your opponent is saying. Very often, you’ll find openings in his statements that will allow you to gain the upper hand. Knowing and being able to understand the way your opponent thinks is an added advantage. At times, you can second-guess what he’s planning to say and chart out your course of action accordingly.

4. Do not stray from the chosen path: Sticking to
the subject during an argument is sometimes the most difficult thing to do. If you or your opponent veers to another topic, you tend to start an entirely new argument. One thing leads to another and the original purpose is lost among the myriad views that emerge. Sometimes, changing the subject may be a ploy used by your opponent to throw you off course. Take this as a sign that he feels threatened you’ll win, and steer the subject back to the original.

5. Learn the art of manipulation:
There are some individuals so stubborn that they will never admit when they are wrong, no matter how blatantly obvious it is. To deal with this species, it pays to be a master manipulator. A surefire way to win the argument against them involves you getting them to project your point of view as their own. Admittedly, this takes a great deal of skill and patience, but once you’re adept at using your persuasive powers, you’ll never lose an argument. And the best part is that there’s no ill will on your opponent’s part – after all, he thinks he’s the victor.

6. The longer route is sometimes shorter: A worthy
opponent will know how to bring you to your knees if you reveal your hand at the outset. An argument is like a game of poker – you have to play your cards close to your chest and try to bluff your way through to the end. Keep your plans up your sleeve and put your points across in random order so that your opponent is left guessing where you’re going till the very end. This leaves him with no time to plan his argument, and you’ve succeeded in putting him on the defensive.

7. Eat humble pie: Being human means we are entitled to our fair share of mistakes. The greatness of an individual lies not in being right all the time, but in being man enough to admit that he was wrong when he makes a mistake. When you realize in the middle of an argument that you are in the wrong, be the bigger person and say so. You’ll find your opponent’s respect for you go up several notches. Admitting you’re wrong when you are will also make it easy for people to actually believe you are right when you emphatically state so. While on the subject of mistakes, let me add that it’s never a good idea to accuse your opponent of being wrong. It’s ok if you can back up your accusation with hard facts, but otherwise, it’s only going to get his hackles raised.

8. Silence is golden: Sometimes, silence is the
most effective argument. Stop talking in the middle of the argument and stay quiet no matter what your opponent says or does. Use this tactic after you’ve made a pretty strong point and your opponent is trying to bluster his way out of the net you’ve entangled him in. You’ll find that the argument dies a natural death when only one person is powering it. Your opponent may not admit that he’s lost, but you’ll know you’ve won when he turns around and walks away.

9. Don’t play dirty: No matter how low your opponent stoops, never resort to name-calling, swearing or attacking him on a personal level. Racial, social and cultural slurs reflect poorly on you and only emphasize that you are not confident in your knowledge of the argument’s subject. Stay calm and collected, even when your opponent is showering you with the choicest epithets.

10. The argument against arguments: Never argue
just for argument’s sake. It’s the worst thing to do. If you’re the kind who argues for every single issue under the sun, you’ll find your credibility questioned even when you really need to engage in a real argument.

如果你曾看过蜘蛛如何抓苍蝇的话，你就会明白在任何对抗性活动中，成为胜者的秘密是头脑而非肌肉。在争论时你应该扮演蜘蛛的角色—冷静且专注的织网，自己呆在安全的地方，引导对手进入陷阱。

你在最近的争论中不止一次的失败过吗？读一读下面这些方法，它们会帮助你制定获胜的策略并引诱对手到你的“网”中。

1.保持温和冷静的态度。
人的天性如此—你的声音越大，对手喊的声音更大。争论比的不是谁能喊过谁，而是通过策略让其他人明白你的观点。无论被如何的激怒，都应该保持温和的语调，这是一项能争取他人支持的方法。别让你的情绪战胜你自己。如果你这样做的话，你就降低了自己的防御能力。在任何情况下都保持冷静，这会让你的对手在争论中泄气。

2.信息就是力量。 在被卷入争论前先充分了解自己的观点。当你能为自己陈述的所有事实提供绝对的证据时，你就拥有成为获胜者的额外优势。如果你的对手和你一样擅长辩论技巧的话，这样做可以杜绝错误与半真半假的信息消弱你的观点。

3.注意聆听。 想在争论中赢得胜利并不仅仅意味着阐述你自己的观点，你应该很仔细的聆听对手的发言。通常情况下，你将在他的评论中发现突破
口，而这将让你具有额外的优势。了解并理解对手的思维方式是一种额外的优势，有时你可以以此来预测对手打算攻击你的方向。

4. 不要偏离所选定的方向。
在争论中坚持自己的观点有时是最难做的事情。如果你或你的对手突然转向另一个话题，你将重新开始一场新的争论。一件事引起另一件事，而你最初的目的则迷失在不断出现的新观点之中。有时，改变争论主题是你对手使用的一种让你迷失方向的策略。把这当成他害怕你将取得胜利的信号并且引导争论重新回到最初的主题。

5.学会劝诱艺术。
有些人是如此的固执，他们永远不会承认自己的错误，无论这错误是多么的明显。与这种人打交道的时候你就应该成为熟练的劝诱者。取得与他们争论胜利的最确定做法是让他们像坚持自己的观点一样拥护你的观点。诚然，这需要大量的技巧和耐心，但一旦你熟练的使用劝诱技巧，你就将在这类争论中百战百胜。而这种方法最好的地方在于你的对手将对你毫无敌意，毕竟他认为自己才是胜利者。

6.曲线策略。如果你把自己的意图暴露在外，一个杰出的对手就知道如何战胜你。争论就像打牌，你应该把牌靠在自己的胸口，不断的蒙蔽对手，直到牌局结束。隐藏你的计划，随机的说出自己的观点，这样你的对手就猜不到你的意图，直到争论结束。这样做可以让他没有时间计划自己的争论策略，而你则成功的使他成为被动的防守者。

7.勇于认错。每个人都会犯错。伟人之所以伟大不在于他永远是对的，而在于他能在犯错的时候勇敢的承认错误。当你在争论的时候意识到自己的错误，勇敢的承认吧。你将赢得对手的尊重。勇于认错也将使人们在你强调某一观点时更容易相信你是正确的。当你犯错时，刁难对手的错误不是一个好的方法。虽然，你可以用铁一般的事实来证明他也错了，但是这样做的后果只会得到对手更强烈的反抗。

8.沉默是金。有时，沉默是最有效的方法。当你在做出恰当有力的论述之后，对手会想通过咆哮来摆脱不利局面，这时你就可以使用此策略—在争论的中途 停止说话、保持沉默，无视对手的言行。你会发现当只有一个人在那咆哮的时候，争论自然而然的就结束了。你的对手可能不会承认自己的失败，但当他转身离去的 时候，你将知道自己赢了。

9.光明正大。无论你对手多么卑鄙，绝不要骂人、诅咒或是人身攻击。对种族、风俗、社会的污蔑只会反映你对争论内容的不自信。就算对手污言秽语你也应该保持冷静。

10.别为争论而争论。 为享受争论的快感而争论是最差劲的做法，如果你是那种什么都想争论的人，你会发现当真正需要争论的时候，自己的诚信已经受到质疑。