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JANE EYRE - CHAPTER XXXIII

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      WHEN Mr. St. John went, it was beginning to snow; the whirling

      storm continued all night. The next day a keen wind brought fresh

      and blinding falls; by twilight the valley was drifted up and almost

      impassable. I had closed my shutter, laid a mat to the door to prevent

      the snow from blowing in under it, trimmed my fire, and after

      sitting nearly an hour on the hearth listening to the muffled fury

      of the tempest, I lit a candle, took down Marmion, and beginning-

      'Day set on Norham's castled steep,

      And Tweed's fair river broad and deep,

      And Cheviot's mountains lone;

      The massive towers, the donjon keep,

      The flanking walls that round them sweep,

      In yellow lustre shone'-

      I soon forgot storm in music.

      I heard a noise: the wind, I thought, shook the door. No; it was

      St. John Rivers, who, lifting the latch, came in out of the frozen

      hurricane- the howling darkness- and stood before me: the cloak that

      covered his tall figure all white as a glacier. I was almost in

      consternation, so little had I expected any guest from the

      blocked-up vale that night.

      'Any ill news?' I demanded. 'Has anything happened?'

      'No. How very easily alarmed you are!' he answered, removing his

      cloak and hanging it up against the door, towards which he again

      coolly pushed the mat which his entrance had deranged. He stamped

      the snow from his boots.

      'I shall sully the purity of your floor,' said he, 'but you must

      excuse me for once.' Then he approached the fire. 'I have had hard

      work to get here, I assure you,' he observed, as he warmed his hands

      over the flame. 'One drift took me up to the waist; happily the snow

      is quite soft yet.'

      'But why are you come?' I could not forbear saying.

      'Rather an inhospitable question to put to a visitor; but since you

      ask it, I answer simply to have a little talk with you; I got tired of

      my mute books and empty rooms. Besides, since yesterday I have

      experienced the excitement of a person to whom a tale has been

      half-told, and who is impatient to hear the sequel.'

      He sat down. I recalled his singular conduct of yesterday, and

      really I began to fear his wits were touched. If he were insane,

      however, his was a very cool and collected insanity: I had never

      seen that handsome-featured face of his look more like chiselled

      marble than it did just now, as he put aside his snow-wet hair from

      his forehead and let the firelight shine free on his pale brow and

      cheek as pale, where it grieved me to discover the hollow trace of

      care or sorrow now so plainly graved. I waited, expecting he would say

      something I could at least comprehend; but his hand was now at his

      chin, his finger on his lip: he was thinking. It struck me that his

      hand looked wasted like his face. A perhaps uncalled-for gush of

      pity came over my heart: I was moved to say-

      'I wish Diana or Mary would come and live with you: it is too bad

      that you should be quite alone; and you are recklessly rash about your

      own health.'

      'Not at all,' said he: 'I care for myself when necessary. I am well

      now. What do you see amiss in me?'

      This was said with a careless, abstracted indifference, which

      showed that my solicitude was, at least in his opinion, wholly

      superfluous. I was silenced.

      He still slowly moved his finger over his upper lip, and still

      his eye dwelt dreamily on the glowing grate; thinking it urgent to say

      something, I asked him presently if he felt any cold draught from

      the door, which was behind him.

      'No, no!' he responded shortly and somewhat testily.

      'Well,' I reflected, 'if you won't talk, you may be still; I'll let

      you alone now, and return to my book.'

      So I snuffed the candle and resumed the perusal of Marmion. He soon

      stirred; my eye was instantly drawn to his movements; he only took out

      a morocco pocket-book, thence produced a letter, which he read in

      silence, folded it, put it back, relapsed into meditation. It was vain

      to try to read with such an inscrutable fixture before me; nor could

      I, in my impatience, consent to be dumb; he might rebuff me if he

      liked, but talk I would.

      'Have you heard from Diana and Mary lately?'

      'Not since the letter I showed you a week ago.'

      'There has not been any change made about your own arrangements?

      You will not be summoned to leave England sooner than you expected?'

      'I fear not, indeed: such chance is too good to befall me.' Baffled

      so far, I changed my ground. I bethought myself to talk about the

      school and my scholars.

      'Mary Garrett's mother is better, and Mary came back to the

      school this morning, and I shall have four new girls next week from

      the Foundry Close- they would have come to-day but for the snow.'

      'Indeed!'

      'Mr. Oliver pays for two.'

      'Does he?'

      'He means to give the whole school a treat at Christmas.'

      'I know.'

      'Was it your suggestion?'

      'No.'

      'Whose, then?'

      'His daughter's, I think.'

      'It is like her: she is so good-natured.'

      'Yes.'

      Again came the blank of a pause: the clock struck eight strokes. It

      aroused him; he uncrossed his legs, sat erect, turned to me.

      'Leave your book a moment, and come a little nearer the fire,' he

      said.

      Wondering, and of my wonder finding no end, I complied.

      'Half an hour ago,' he pursued, 'I spoke of my impatience to hear

      the sequel of a tale: on reflection, I find the matter will be

      better managed by my assuming the narrator's part, and converting

      you into a listener. Before commencing, it is but fair to warn you

      that the story will sound somewhat hackneyed in your ears; but stale

      details often regain a degree of freshness when they pass through

      new lips. For the rest, whether trite or novel, it is short.

      'Twenty years ago, a poor curate- never mind his name at this

      moment- fell in love with a rich man's daughter; she fell in love with

      him, and married him, against the advice of all her friends, who

      consequently disowned her immediately after the wedding. Before two

      years passed, the rash pair were both dead, and laid quietly side by

      side under one slab. (I have seen their grave; it formed part of the

      pavement of a huge churchyard surrounding the grim, soot-black old

      daughter, which, at its very birth, Charity received in her lap-

      cold as that of the snow-drift I almost stuck fast in to-night.

      Charity carried the friendless thing to the house of its rich maternal

      relations; it was reared by an aunt-in-law, called (I come to names

      now) Mrs. Reed of Gateshead. You start- did you hear a noise? I

      daresay it is only a rat scrambling along the rafters of the adjoining

      schoolroom: it was a barn before I had it repaired and altered, and

      barns are generally haunted by rats.- To proceed. Mrs. Reed kept the

      orphan ten years: whether it was happy or not with her, I cannot

      say, never having been told; but at the end of that time she

      transferred it to a place you know- being no other than Lowood School,

      where you so long resided yourself. It seems her career there was very

      honourable: from a pupil, she became a teacher, like yourself-

      really it strikes me there are parallel points in her history and

      yours- she left it to be a governess: there, again, your fates were

      analogous; she undertook the education of the ward of a certain Mr.

      Rochester.'

      'Mr. Rivers!' I interrupted.

      'I can guess your feelings,' he said, 'but restrain them for a

      while: I have nearly finished; hear me to the end. Of Mr.

      Rochester's character I know nothing, but the one fact that he

      professed to offer honourable marriage to this young girl, and that at

      the very altar she discovered he had a wife yet alive, though a

      lunatic. What his subsequent conduct and proposals were is a matter of

      pure conjecture; but when an event transpired which rendered inquiry

      after the governess necessary, it was discovered she was gone- no

      one could tell when, where, or how. She had left Thornfield Hall in

      the night; every research after her course had been vain: the

      country had been scoured far and wide; no vestige of information could

      be gathered respecting her. Yet that she should be found is become a

      matter of serious urgency: advertisements have been put in all the

      papers; I myself have received a letter from one Mr. Briggs, a

      solicitor, communicating the details I have just imparted. Is it not

      an odd tale?'

      'Just tell me this,' said I, 'and since you know so much, you

      surely can tell it me- what of Mr. Rochester? How and where is he?

      What is he doing? Is he well?'

      'I am ignorant of all concerning Mr. Rochester: the letter never

      mentions him but to narrate the fraudulent and illegal attempt I

      have adverted to. You should rather ask the name of the governess- the

      nature of the event which requires her appearance.'

      'Did no one go to Thornfield Hall, then? Did no one see Mr.

      Rochester?'

      'I suppose not.'

      'But they wrote to him?'

      'Of course.'

      'And what did he say? Who has his letters?'

      'Mr. Briggs intimates that the answer to his application was not

      from Mr. Rochester, but from a lady: it is signed "Alice Fairfax."'

      I felt cold and dismayed: my worst fears then were probably true:

      he had in all probability left England and rushed in reckless

      desperation to some former haunt on the Continent. And what opiate for

      his severe sufferings- what object for his strong passions- had he

      sought there? I dared not answer the question. Oh, my poor master-

      once almost my husband- whom I had often called 'my dear Edward!'

      'He must have been a bad man,' observed Mr. Rivers.

      'You don't know him- don't pronounce an opinion upon him,' I

      said, with warmth.

      'Very well,' he answered quietly: 'and indeed my head is

      otherwise occupied than with him: I have my tale to finish. Since

      you won't ask the governess's name, I must tell it of my own accord.

      Stay! I have it here- it is always more satisfactory to see

      important points written down, fairly committed to black and white.'

      And the pocket-book was again deliberately produced, opened, sought

      through; from one of its compartments was extracted a shabby slip of

      paper, hastily torn off: I recognised in its texture and its stains of

      ultra-marine, and lake, and vermilion, the ravished margin of the

      portrait-cover. He got up, held it close to my eyes: and I read,

      traced in Indian ink, in my own handwriting, the words 'JANE EYRE'-

      the work doubtless of some moment of abstraction.

      'Briggs wrote to me of a Jane Eyre:' he said, 'the advertisements

      demanded a Jane Eyre: I knew a Jane Elliott.- I confess I had my

      suspicions, but it was only yesterday afternoon they were at once

      resolved into certainty. You own the name and renounce the alias?'

      'Yes- yes; but where is Mr. Briggs? He perhaps knows more of Mr.

      Rochester than you do.'

      'Briggs is in London. I should doubt his knowing anything at all

      about Mr. Rochester; it is not in Mr. Rochester he is interested.

      Meantime, you forget essential points in pursuing trifles: you do

      not inquire why Mr. Briggs sought after you- what he wanted with you.'

      'Well, what did he want?'

      'Merely to tell you that your uncle, Mr. Eyre of Madeira, is

      dead; that he has left you all his property, and that you are now

      rich- merely that- nothing more.'

      'I!- rich?'

      'Yes, you, rich- quite an heiress.'

      Silence succeeded.

      'You must prove your identity of course,' resumed St. John

      presently: 'a step which will offer no difficulties; you can then

      enter on immediate possession. Your fortune is vested in the English

      funds; Briggs has the will and the necessary documents.'

      Here was a new card turned up! It is a fine thing, reader, to be

      lifted in a moment from indigence to wealth- a very fine thing; but

      not a matter one can comprehend or consequently enjoy, all at once.

      And then there are other chances in life far more thrilling and

      rapture-giving: this is solid, an affair of the actual world,

      nothing ideal about it: all its associations are solid and sober,

      and its manifestations are the same. One does not jump, and spring,

      and shout hurrah! at hearing one has got a fortune; one begins to

      consider responsibilities, and to ponder business; on a base of steady

      satisfaction rise certain grave cares, and we contain ourselves, and

      brood over our bliss with a solemn brow.

      Besides, the words Legacy, Bequest, go side by side with the words,

      Death, Funeral. My uncle I had heard was dead- my only relative;

      ever since being made aware of his existence, I had cherished the hope

      of one day seeing him: now, I never should. And then this money came

      only to me: not to me and a rejoicing family, but to my isolated self.

      It was a grand boon doubtless; and independence would be glorious-

      yes, I felt that- that thought swelled my heart.

      'You unbend your forehead at last,' said Mr. Rivers. 'I thought

      Medusa had looked at you, and that you were turning to stone.

      Perhaps now you will ask how much you are worth?'

      'How much am I worth?'

      'Oh, a trifle! Nothing of course to speak of- twenty thousand

      pounds, I think they say- but what is that?'

      'Twenty thousand pounds?'

      Here was a new stunner- I had been calculating on four or five

      thousand. This news actually took my breath for a moment: Mr. St.

      John, whom I had never heard laugh before, laughed now.

      'Well,' said he, 'if you had committed a murder, and I had told you

      your crime was discovered, you could scarcely look more aghast.'

      'It is a large sum- don't you think there is a mistake?'

      'No mistake at all.'

      'Perhaps you have read the figures wrong- it may be two thousand!'

      'It is written in letters, not figures,- twenty thousand.'

      I again felt rather like an individual of but average gastronomical

      powers sitting down to feast alone at a table spread with provisions

      for a hundred. Mr. Rivers rose now and put his cloak on.

      'If it were not such a very wild night,' he said, 'I would send

      Hannah down to keep you company: you look too desperately miserable to

      be left alone. But Hannah, poor woman! could not stride the drifts

      so well as I: her legs are not quite so long: so I must e'en leave you

      to your sorrows. Good-night.'

      He was lifting the latch: a sudden thought occurred to me.

      'Stop one minute!' I cried.

      'Well?'

      'It puzzles me to know why Mr. Briggs wrote to you about me; or how

      he knew you, or could fancy that you, living in such an out-of-the-way

      place, had the power to aid in my discovery.'

      'Oh! I am a clergyman,' he said; 'and the clergy are often appealed

      to about odd matters.' Again the latch rattled.

      'No; that does not satisfy me!' I exclaimed: and indeed there was

      something in the hasty and unexplanatory reply which, instead of

      allaying, piqued my curiosity more than ever.

      'It is a very strange piece of business,' I added; 'I must know

      more about it.'

      'Another time.'

      'No; to-night!- to-night!' and as he turned from the door, I placed

      myself between it and him. He looked rather embarrassed.

      'You certainly shall not go till you have told me all,' I said.

      'I would rather not just now.'

      'You shall!- you must!'

      'I would rather Diana or Mary informed you.'

      Of course these objections wrought my eagerness to a climax:

      gratified it must be, and that without delay; and I told him so.

      'But I apprised you that I was a hard man,' said he, 'difficult

      to persuade.'

      'And I am a hard woman,- impossible to put off.'

      'And then,' he pursued, 'I am cold: no fervour infects me.'

      'Whereas I am hot, and fire dissolves ice. The blaze there has

      thawed all the snow from your cloak; by the same token, it has

      streamed on to my floor, and made it like a trampled street. As you

      hope ever to be forgiven, Mr. Rivers, the high crime and

      misdemeanour of spoiling a sanded kitchen, tell me what I wish to

      know.'

      'Well, then,' he said, 'I yield; if not to your earnestness, to

      your perseverance: as stone is worn by continual dropping. Besides,

      you must know some day,- as well now as later. Your name is Jane

      Eyre?'

      'Of course: that was all settled before.'

      'You are not, perhaps, aware that I am your namesake?- that I was

      christened St. John Eyre Rivers?'

      'No, indeed! I remember now seeing the letter E. comprised in

      your initials written in books you have at different times lent me;

      but I never asked for what name it stood. But what then? Surely-'

      I stopped: I could not trust myself to entertain, much less to

      express, the thought that rushed upon me- that embodied itself,- that,

      in a second, stood out a strong, solid probability. Circumstances knit

      themselves, fitted themselves, shot into order: the chain that had

      been lying hitherto a formless lump of links was drawn out

      straight,- every ring was perfect, the connection complete. I knew, by

      instinct, how the matter stood, before St. John had said another word;

      but I cannot expect the reader to have the same intuitive

      perception, so I must repeat his explanation.

      'My mother's name was Eyre; she had two brothers; one a

      clergyman, who married Miss Jane Reed, of Gateshead; the other, John

      Eyre, Esq., merchant, late of Funchal, Madeira. Mr. Briggs, being

      Mr. Eyre's solicitor, wrote to us last August to inform us of our

      uncle's death, and to say that he had left his property to his brother

      the clergyman's orphan daughter, overlooking us, in consequence of a

      quarrel, never forgiven, between him and my father. He wrote again a

      few weeks since, to intimate that the heiress was lost, and asking

      if we knew anything of her. A name casually written on a slip of paper

      has enabled me to find her out. You know the rest.' Again he was

      going, but I set my back against the door.

      'Do let me speak,' I said; 'let me have one moment to draw breath

      and reflect.' I paused- he stood before me, hat in hand, looking

      composed enough. I resumed-

      'Your mother was my father's sister?'

      'Yes.'

      'My aunt, consequently?'

      He bowed.

      'My uncle John was your uncle John? You, Diana, and Mary are his

      sister's children, as I am his brother's child?'

      'Undeniably.'

      'You three, then, are my cousins; half our blood on each side flows

      from the same source?'

      'We are cousins; yes.'

      I surveyed him. It seemed I had found a brother: one I could be

      proud of,- one I could love; and two sisters, whose qualities were

      such, that, when I knew them but as mere strangers, they had

      inspired me with genuine affection and admiration. The two girls, on

      whom, kneeling down on the wet ground, and looking through the low,

      latticed window of Moor House kitchen, I had gazed with so bitter a

      mixture of interest and despair, were my near kinswomen; and the young

      and stately gentleman who had found me almost dying at his threshold

      was my blood relation. Glorious discovery to a lonely wretch! This was

      wealth indeed!- wealth to the heart!- a mine of pure, genial

      affections. This was a blessing, bright, vivid, and exhilarating;- not

      like the ponderous gift of gold: rich and welcome enough in its way,

      but sobering from its weight. I now clapped my hands in sudden joy- my

      pulse bounded, my veins thrilled.

      'Oh, I am glad!- I am glad!' I exclaimed.

      St. John smiled. 'Did I not say you neglected essential points to

      pursue trifles?' he asked. 'You were serious when I told you you had

      got a fortune; and now, for a matter of no moment, you are excited.'

      'What can you mean? It may be of no moment to you; you have sisters

      and don't care for a cousin; but I had nobody; and now three

      relations,- or two, if you don't choose to be counted,- are born

      into my world full-grown. I say again, I am glad!'

      I walked fast through the room: I stopped, half suffocated with the

      thoughts that rose faster than I could receive, comprehend, settle

      them:- thoughts of what might, could, would, and should be, and that

      ere long. I looked at the blank wall: it seemed a sky thick with

      ascending stars,- every one lit me to a purpose or delight. Those

      who had saved my life, whom, till this hour, I had loved barrenly, I

      could now benefit. They were under a yoke,- I could free them: they

      were scattered,- I could reunite them: the independence, the affluence

      which was mine, might be theirs too. Were we not four? Twenty thousand

      pounds shared equally, would be five thousand each,- enough and to

      spare: justice would be done,- mutual happiness secured. Now the

      wealth did not weigh on me: now it was not a mere bequest of coin,- it

      was a legacy of life, hope, enjoyment.

      How I looked while these ideas were taking my spirit by storm, I

      cannot tell; but I perceived soon that Mr. Rivers had placed a chair

      behind me, and was gently attempting to make me sit down on it. He

      also advised me to be composed; I scorned the insinuation of

      helplessness and distraction, shook off his hand, and began to walk

      about again.

      'Write to Diana and Mary to-morrow,' I said, 'and tell them to come

      home directly. Diana said they would both consider themselves rich

      with a thousand pounds, so with five thousand they will do very well.'

      'Tell me where I can get you a glass of water,' said St. John; 'you

      must really make an effort to tranquillise your feelings.'

      'Nonsense! and what sort of an effect will the bequest have on you?

      Will it keep you in England, induce you to marry Miss Oliver, and

      settle down like an ordinary mortal?'

      'You wander: your head becomes confused. I have been too abrupt

      in communicating the news; it has excited you beyond your strength.'

      'Mr. Rivers! you quite put me out of patience: I am rational

      enough; it is you who misunderstand, or rather who affect to

      misunderstand.'

      'Perhaps, if you explained yourself a little more fully, I should

      comprehend better.'

      'Explain! What is there to explain? You cannot fail to see that

      twenty thousand pounds, the sum in question, divided equally between

      the nephew and three nieces of our uncle, will give five thousand to

      each? What I want is, that you should write to your sisters and tell

      them of the fortune that has accrued to them.'

      'To you, you mean.'

      'I have intimated my view of the case: I am incapable of taking any

      other. I am not brutally selfish, blindly unjust, or fiendishly

      ungrateful. Besides, I am resolved I will have a home and connections.

      I like Moor House, and I will live at Moor House; I like Diana and

      Mary, and I will attach myself for life to Diana and Mary. It would

      please and benefit me to have five thousand pounds; it would torment

      and oppress me to have twenty thousand; which, moreover, could never

      be mine in justice, though it might in law. I abandon to you, then,

      what is absolutely superfluous to me. Let there be no opposition,

      and no discussion about it; let us agree amongst each other, and

      decide the point at once.'

      'This is acting on first impulses; you must take days to consider

      such a matter, ere your word can be regarded as valid.'

      'Oh! if all you doubt is my sincerity, I am easy: you see the

      justice of the case?'

      'I do see a certain justice; but it is contrary to all custom.

      Besides, the entire fortune is your right: my uncle gained it by his

      own efforts; he was free to leave it to whom he would: he left it to

      you. After all, justice permits you to keep it: you may, with a

      clear conscience, consider it absolutely your own.'

      'With me,' said I, 'it is fully as much a matter of feeling as of

      conscience: I must indulge my feelings; I so seldom have had an

      opportunity of doing so. Were you to argue, object, and annoy me for a

      year, I could not forego the delicious pleasure of which I have caught

      a glimpse- that of repaying, in part, a mighty obligation, and winning

      to myself life-long friends.'

      'You think so now,' rejoined St. John, 'because you do not know

      what it is to possess, nor consequently to enjoy wealth: you cannot

      form a notion of the importance twenty thousand pounds would give you;

      of the place it would enable you to take in society; of the

      prospects it would open to you: you cannot-'

      'And you,' I interrupted, 'cannot at all imagine the craving I have

      for fraternal and sisterly love. I never had a home, I never had

      brothers or sisters; I must and will have them now: you are not

      reluctant to admit me and own me, are you?'

      'Jane, I will be your brother- my sisters will be your sisters-

      without stipulating for this sacrifice of your just rights.'

      'Brother? Yes; at the distance of a thousand leagues! Sisters? Yes;

      slaving amongst strangers! I, wealthy- gorged with gold I never earned

      and do not merit! You, penniless! Famous equality and

      fraternisation! Close union! Intimate attachment!'

      'But, Jane, your aspirations after family ties and domestic

      happiness may be realised otherwise than by the means you contemplate:

      you may marry.'

      'Nonsense, again! Marry! I don't want to marry, and never shall

      marry.'

      'That is saying too much: such hazardous affirmations are a proof

      of the excitement under which you labour.'

      'It is not saying too much: I know what I feel, and how averse

      are my inclinations to the bare thought of marriage. No one would take

      me for love; and I will not be regarded in the light of a mere money

      speculation. And I do not want a stranger- unsympathising, alien,

      different from me; I want my kindred: those with whom I have full

      fellow-feeling. Say again you will be my brother: when you uttered the

      words I was satisfied, happy; repeat them, if you can, repeat them

      sincerely.'

      'I think I can. I know I have always loved my own sisters; and I

      know on what my affection for them is grounded,- respect for their

      worth and admiration of their talents. You too have principle and

      mind: your tastes and habits resemble Diana's and Mary's; your

      presence is always agreeable to me; in your conversation I have

      already for some time found a salutary solace. I feel I can easily and

      naturally make room in my heart for you, as my third and youngest

      sister.'

      'Thank you: that contents me for to-night. Now you had better go;

      for if you stay longer, you will perhaps irritate me afresh by some

      mistrustful scruple.'

      'And the school, Miss Eyre? It must now be shut up, I suppose?'

      'No. I will retain my post of mistress till you get a substitute.'

      He smiled approbation: we shook hands, and he took leave.

      I need not narrate in detail the further struggles I had, and

      arguments I used, to get matters regarding the legacy settled as I

      wished. My task was a very hard one; but, as I was absolutely

      resolved- as my cousins saw at length that my mind was really and

      immutably fixed on making a just division of the property- as they

      must in their own hearts have felt the equity of the intention; and

      must, besides, have been innately conscious that in my place they

      would have done precisely what I wished to do- they yielded at

      length so far as to consent to put the affair to arbitration. The

      judges chosen were Mr. Oliver and an able lawyer: both coincided in my

      opinion: I carried my point. The instruments of transfer were drawn

      out: St. John, Diana, Mary, and I, each became possessed of a

      competency.

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