When we’re young we think of the perfect relationship. Everyone is always smiling and things are going well. Your partner knows exactly what to say and do to make you feel good and vice versa. Those of us who have been in relationships know better. Couples can and will fight for just about anything. The key is to understand that fighting can help improve relationships. Here’s how.

当我们年轻时，都想拥有完美的爱情。每个人都面带笑容，一切都进展顺利。你的另一半知道说什么做什么会令你开心或者不开心。那些曾经经历过热恋的人们更是深有体会。但是夫妻却可能因为任何事都吵起来，问题的关键在于吵架其实也可以增进夫妻感情。让我们来看看：

1. You air your dirty laundry

晾出你自己的问题

An argument may start over anything. You two may not know what to do for dinner. One of you may have taken that turn a little fast and loose while out driving. Problems in a relationship are like dynamite and little things like not deciding on a place to eat are nothing more than a fuse. Eventually, these little things will open up the table to what is really going wrong. Once you can identify what’s really going on, it’s just a matter of figuring out how to fix it.

争吵可以因任何小事而起：你俩不知道晚餐吃什么；开车外出时其中一人转弯转的有点早。夫妻间的任何问题都像是一颗炸弹，而那些小事，诸如决定去哪儿吃饭等，就是导火线。最终，这些小事会引发真正的大事。一旦你发现苗头不对，就要赶紧着手修补。

2. You will be more comfortable around one another

在彼此身边时你会觉得更自在
The classic sign that a couple is comfortable with each other is when the “embarrassing” bodily functions fly even when the other person is in the room. Believe it or not, fighting can actually do the same thing. Couples who fight are not only working out their issues but also showing each other how they deal with problems. It forces you to talk about yourselves and what you think. By the end of it you’ll know the other person way better than you did before and vice versa because both of you will be expressing yourselves, often for the first time.

夫妻间能以最自在的方式同彼此相处，最典型的标志就是当其中一方身体忽然发出某种声响，依然很自得。不管你信不信，争吵也可以起到这种效果。夫妻吵架不仅仅在解决他们的问题，也是在向对方展示自己是如何处理问题的。它会迫使你审视自己，到最后，你可能会发现对方的方式可能更好，反之亦然，因为双方都是在第一次表达自己内心的真实想法。

3. You will have confirmation that both of you want the relationship to work

确信双方都想让关系变得更好

People will fight for things they believe in. It doesn’t matter if they’re joining the military to fight for their country or shouting at you across the kitchen table to fight for your relationship. A lot of people think that anger means discontent but it actually means that you care so much that when something goes wrong, you get upset about it. Fighting with your partner shows them that you’re upset and that you want to fix things to make them better. If you don’t want to fight or if your partner doesn’t want to fight to make a relationship right, then there might be a problem.

人们会为自己坚信的东西而奋斗。无论是加入军队为国家浴血奋战或是夫妻双方站在桌子对面为自己的婚姻生活而吵，这些都不重要。许多人都认为，愤怒意味着不满，但其实这表示你很在乎，出现问题时，你会感到不安。跟对方争吵表明你很不安，你想解决问题，让事情变得更好。如果你不想吵架，或对方不想为了改善关系跟你争吵，那才是真的有问题了。

4. You and your partner will restore your sanity

你和你的爱人会恢复理智

Anger means that you care. Unfortunately, being angry can also drive you insane if you don’t express it. Bottling up those kinds of emotions can be dangerous. It can cause you to have irrational thoughts and eventually you start thinking things that aren’t true. Letting out that anger can help reset your insanity button and get those negative thoughts out of your head. Not fighting and letting those feelings get bottled up is never good. Ever.

生气说明在乎。但不幸的是，你如果生闷气，会被憋疯的。这些不良情绪闷在心里是一件非常危险的事。有可能使你有了产生某些荒谬的想法，最终你开始考虑不着边际的事情。将愤怒释放出来可以让你避免精神错乱，将那些消极的想法清空。不争吵，任由不良情绪发酵是绝对绝对不行的。

5. You will get an honest answer for once

你会立马听到最诚实的回答

Emotions flying around like witches on broomsticks often means that the truth is also flying around. Have you ever noticed that people in fights make statements they wouldn’t otherwise make. “I never liked it when you did this.” Couples in an argument often air their dirty laundry but more importantly they’re doing it honestly. Those small things you keep bottled up and lie about (“Sure, honey, I don’t mind watching Sex in the City…again”) can be set free because angry people no longer care about the consequences. As long as you’re not hiding anything ridiculous like cheating or something irreparable, chances are that your little issues are fixable.

坏情绪四处蔓延，像女巫骑着扫把飞来飞去，通常这也意味着真心话就在嘴边。不知你是否曾注意，争吵时，夫妻间会说出平时绝不会说的话。比如，“我根本就不喜欢你这么做”等等。夫妻争吵时通常会把问题都晾出来，但更重要的事，双方此刻都是诚实的。那些曾经让你欲言又止的小事（当然，亲爱的，我一点都不介意再看一遍。。《欲望都市》），诸如此类，生气时会说出真实的想法，因为在气头上，根本估计不到后果。只要你隐瞒的不是出轨或其他无法弥补的错误，你们之间的小问题就可以解决。

6. You get to have sex

做做“运动”

As long as your relationship survives the fight (and chances are that it will) you get to have make up sex. By the time the argument is over everyone is stressed out. Things are a little tense. There are few better ways our species has access to than a good rumble between the sheets to get some of that tension out. We’re not saying you should pick a fight but plenty of people who are in relationships go through a dry spell that ends after a fight.

只要你们的感情能承受住争吵（很大程度上没问题）就需要一些性爱来弥补一下。争吵结束了，问题解决了，两个人都会感觉有点精疲力尽。关系稍微有些紧张，此时很少有比来一场床上运动更好的方法了，这样可以让你们紧张的关系缓和下来。我们并不提倡争执，但是很多夫妻争吵后确实会有一段尴尬和紧张期。

7. You get a reminder of what you’re doing wrong

有一个人会时刻提醒你什么做错了

Relationships take work. Sometimes you have to stop doing something or start doing something to keep your partner happy. Not doing those things can result in a fight. During that fight you will be reminded (many times) of what you’re doing wrong. This can seem tedious and awful but sometimes we need a push in the right direction because we don’t always know what the other person wants. A good fight can put those needs into focus.

夫妻关系很有作用，有时，你需要做某些事或不做某些事让你的另一半开心。如果不这样，可能会引发争吵。在争吵中，对方通常会说出你哪里做得不对。这样看起来或许很沉闷甚至可怕，但是我们确实需要有正确的推动力，因为并不是每个人都知道他人是怎么想的。一次“成功的”吵架可以将这些问题提出来并解决。

8. You can understand yourself better

能更好地了解自己

I can’t even remember how many epiphanies I’ve had during fights anymore. It doesn’t always happen but sometimes you are just wrong. It happens to all of us and there is nothing to be ashamed of. The problem is that you don’t know that you’re wrong until someone points it out. In today’s society, telling someone they’re wrong is fighting words. The important part is admitting that you’re wrong after you get caught being wrong. Otherwise this entire point is worthless.

我自己都记不清楚在争吵中我有过多少次顿悟了。当然这种事不经常发生，但有时你确实是错了。每个人可能都经历过，这也没什么好害羞的。问题在于，有时候别人不指出来，你根本不知道自己错在哪里。当今社会，告诉人们他们错了是一种很不友好的事。更重要的是，当被指出错误时，你应该意识到自己确实是错了。否则一切都是无意义的。

Of course, we are coming at this from a specific point of view. Arguing and fighting is healthy but only if it’s done in a specific way. If your partner is hitting you, abusing you, bullying you, or otherwise hurting you or making you feel unsafe, you should do something about that immediately. There is no fixing that kind of behavior. Otherwise, keep these tips in mind the next time your partner blows up at you (or vice versa) and prepare to work on your relationship the old fashioned way.

当然，我们是以一种独特的视角看待这个问题。争吵和争执是有利的也仅限于以某种特定的方式进行。当你另一半打击你、羞辱你、欺负你、伤害你或者令你觉得毫无安全感，你应该立即采取些措施。上述行为对婚姻关系并无益处。另外，将这些小诀窍记在脑子里，下次和你的另一半发生争吵时用得上。并记得用老办法修复你们的关系。