What to ask your fiance before you get married. The advice and counseling you won't hear from your church or parents.

There's tons of advice out there about pre-marriage counseling… about money, living arrangements, religion, fidelity. But there are lots of other "little" matters that are also important for two people ready to tie the knot… little issues that can blindside you and turn into big problems.

So, here's what you need to discuss… and what you really need to be honest about.

Holidays

Whose family do you go to?

Or, which holidays do you spend with which family?

Also, how important are birthdays? Here's the real test: Were birthdays a big deal when you were growing up or when your fiancé was growing up? If he/she didn't really grow up with much of a tradition regarding birthdays, chances are that after several years, you may not be getting a birthday gift （or much beyond a card）.

Your birthday may even be completely forgotten. You can't necessarily change a person from how they were raised, but you can let him/her know birthdays are important to you, that you expect gifts. You can also offer to help, by letting him/her know that you'll remind them of when your birthday is coming up.

Children

How many do you want?

When do you want to start having children?

Let me tell you a little story: My friend got married, with her agreeing to his wish of having kids within 2 years. However, she really wasn't sure she wanted children, or if she did not that soon. She agreed to her fiancé's wishes because she wanted to appease him, and thought maybe she'd change her mind.

That was 9 years ago. They still do not have children. So, do not force him/her into agreeing with you on this matter, nor let yourself agree with something you don't believe for the sake of keeping the peace…and hoping you'll feel differently about it later.

Work/Relocation

Women, if HE finds work out of city/state/country （or gets relocated）, are you willing to move?

Men, if SHE finds work out of city/state/country （or gets relocated）, are you willing to move?

Okay, so let's talk a little about work ethic. If work is a bit hectic, do you still keep within your 40-hour work-week or do you stay late to get things done? What about your soon-to-be-spouse? If one of you has dinner ready at 6pm （or is expecting dinner to be ready）, will that person be okay with a spouse staying late at work? You may not be able to agree on this issue, but going in eyes wide open, you can prevent a lot of late-night fights.

走进结婚礼堂之前，你应该问你的未婚夫那些问题呢？下面这些的建议和忠告，你是不会从教堂和父母那里得到的。

关于婚前忠告，这儿有非常多的建议想要告诉你……关于金钱、生活方式、宗教信仰、忠实度等等。还有很多的其他"小问题",他们对两个准备走在一起的人来说同样是十分重要的，小问题容易蒙蔽你的双眼，并转变成大问题。

于是，这些就是你需要去讨论的……或者一些你需要去坦白的。

假期

你想去哪一方的家庭度假？

或者，你在什么节日想去哪一方的家庭度假？

同样，关于彼此生日的重要性的问题。这是一次真正的考验：当你已经长大或者你的未婚夫已经长大，生日还是不是一项重要的事情？如果他或者她并没有在传统的生日观念中真正长大，那么几年后，你可能一件生日礼物也收不到（最大一张生日贺卡）.

你的生日可能会被彻底忘记。你不用必须地去改变一个人的成长环境，但是你可以让他或者她知道，生日对你来说是多么的重要，你想要一份生日礼物。或者当你生日快来临的时候，你可以暗示他们一下，以帮助他们记起。

孩子

你想要几个孩子？

你想什么时候要孩子？

让我来告诉你一个小故事：我的朋友结婚了，她同意了他想在两年内生小孩的愿望。然而，她不确定她是不是真的想要小孩，或者可能她并不想要。她会同意是因为她是想要安慰他，想着或许她可能会改变主意。

这件事发生在9年前。他们现在仍然没有孩子。因而，不要这件事情上强迫她或者他同意你的想法，或者让你自己去同意你原本不愿意的一些事情，只为谋求一种平静的生活……或者你想将来对待这件事或许会有不同的想法。

工作/工作调职

女人：如果他找到一份在别的城市/州/国家的工作（或者得到调职）,你愿意陪他一起搬家吗？

男人：如果她找到一份在别的城市/州/国家的工作（或者得到调职）,你愿意陪她一起搬家吗？

现在，让我们来探讨一下关于职业道德的问题。如果你工作有一点棘手，你是不是仍然坚持一周工作40个小时，还是继续工作直到结束？你未来的伴侣呢？如果你们当中一方准备在晚上6点开饭（或者准备在6点开饭）,那么有时间的一方要等还在继续加班另一方一起吃晚餐吗？你可能会不同意这个观点，但是请放宽你的心胸，这样你可以避免很多深夜争吵。