Once the wedding vows are taken, new roles materialize. If only you both had a how-to manual. Here are some insider tips to help nurture future interactions.

By Maureen Mackey

The dreaded mother-in-law! Your relationship with her can certainly place stress on your marriage. No matter how hard you try to please her, there will surely be some things she doesn't like but never mentions-or so you hope.

Share your mother-in-law stories. Does she say things you would rather she kept to herself? Or is she more liely to keep mum and leave you guessing?

1. I've never seen my son happier than he is now, married and with children. Thank you.

2. You don't have to call me "Mom." But it would be nice if you did.

3. I'm so grateful that my daughter has another person to look after her. I am finally off the hook.

4. If you hate that green sweater I bought you, please, please tell me. I really want to make you happy.

5. Thank you for making my child so happy. If I haven't told you that very much, it's because I'm afraid you'll think I'm sucking up.

6. I desperately want to ask you, When are you going to have children?

7. I've never formed a warm bond with you, but when I see how happy my son is, I feel enormous affection for you.

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8. Sometimes I watch you making choices that I so fear will lead you to difficulty. But I bite my tongue. I so wish I could talk to you about it.

9. I'm aware that my time on this earth is growing shorter. I want to spend it positively. I don't want to waste it by fighting.

10. I might not have the best ideas, but I do have decades of experience. I'd like to share my advice more.

11. If you think I can't give good advice because I don't have the full picture, well … paint it for me.

12. We're from different generations, and we'll probably always see things differently.

13. I really want to give my grandkids a gift now and then, but you forbid me to do it. That's painful.

14. The last time I was at your house, you hardly even spoke to me. I can't understand why.

15. What I want most can't be wrapped in a box or bought online. I just want to be loved.

16. I thought you'd be thrilled to have me as your mother-in-law, that you'd think, Wow, I'm so lucky! It kills me that you don't.

17. I always send gifts for your birthday and all the holidays. It bugs me that you never thank me personally.

18. Some mothers-in-law will say anything. I try not to. It's not wanted, appreciated, or believed.

19. I feel a little resentful that suddenly my whole life is seen through the prism of "the mother-in-law." I've actually led a rich, interesting, complicated life. I wish you'd see me that way.

20. When I call you on the phone at 8 in the morning on a Saturday, I hope you're not secretly saying, "Damn. Why is she calling here so early?"

21. Sometimes I weep. I'll think, How could my child who I loved so much marry someone I don't understand at all?

22. I want you to need me. I want to feel valued, respected, and loved.

23. I don't always agree with your decisions. But I know you have to live your own life.

24. I would visit my grandchildren more if I felt closer to you.

25. You're bright, thoughtful, and loving. I'm lucky we have each other.

Sources: Susan Abel Lieberman, PhD （The Mother-in-Law's Manual）, Jane Angelich （What's a Mother [in-Law] to Do?）, and anonymous mothers-in-law in four states.

一旦结婚誓言宣读完毕，新的角色就诞生了。要是彼此都心里有数，知道该如何处理这种新关系就好了。下面是一些围城内人的小提示，可以帮助你融洽今后的"双边关系".

作者：莫林·麦基

可怕的岳母（或婆婆）!你与她相处是否融洽无疑会对你的婚姻产生影响。不管你费了多大精力来取悦她，依然有一些事情是她不喜欢的，但是她永远都不会提起------或者你也这么希望。

分享你岳母（或婆婆）的故事。她会说一些你希望她永远不说的事吗？或她总是什么也不说，让你去揣摩？

1.我儿子结婚，生儿育女很幸福，我从来没见他像现在这么幸福过，谢谢你。

2.你不一定非要叫我"妈妈",但如果你肯叫的就更好了。

3.有另一个人来照顾我女儿，我很感激。我终于完成任务了。

4.如果你不喜欢我给你买的那件绿色毛衣，请千万千万告诉我。我真的想要你幸福。

5.谢谢你让我的孩子如此幸福。我很少跟你说这些，是怕你嫌我肉麻。

6.我真的非常非常想知道，你打算什么时候要孩子？

7.咱俩的关系从来没融洽过，但是看到我儿子那么幸福，我喜欢你喜欢得要命。

8.有时，我注意到你做出一些选择，我很担心这些选择会使你陷入麻烦。想提醒你，但又咽了回去。我真希望能与你讨论那些事情。

9.我知道我在世上的日子越来越短了。我想高效地度过这段日子，不想整天吵架，浪费时间。

10.我的主意也许不是最好的，但我有多年的生活经验。我想跟多跟你分享一些我的经验。

11.如果你认为我不了解全局，所以给的建议不够好。那么……请你把全局描述给我。

12.我们是不同的两代人，我们看待事情的角度可能经常不同。

13.有时，我真的很想给我的外孙买礼物，但是你阻止了我。我觉得很伤心。

14.最近我去你家，你几乎没理我。我不知道是为什么。

15.我最想要的东西不是装在礼品盒里或从网上购买的。我只是想得到你们的爱。

16.我想有我这样的岳母（或婆婆）,你一定会感到非常兴奋，你能这么认为我很幸福！如果你不这样认为的话，那简直要杀了我。

17.你生日那天以及所有的节日，我都会送礼物给你，但你从来没当面谢过我，我感到很生气。

18.有的岳母（或婆婆）总是什么都说。我尽量避免。这并不是需要，感激或信任。

19.突然间，我只剩下岳母（婆婆）这一角色，你总是通过"岳母"这一棱镜来看待我的生活，我有点不满。事实上，我的生活富裕，有趣，复杂。我希望你从那个角度来看我。

20.当我在星期六早上八点给你打电话时，希望你不要私下里抱怨，"该死！她干吗这么早就给我打电话？"

21.有时，我会哀伤。我在想，我这么深爱的孩子怎么会跟一个我毫不理解的人结婚呢？

22.我希望你需要我。我喜欢被重视，被尊重，被爱的感觉。

23.我并不总是同意你的决定，但我知道你必须走自己的路。

24.如果我与你的关系再亲密些，我就多去看我外孙几次。

25.你聪明，有思想，有爱心，能拥有彼此我觉得很幸运。