Recently, I discussed the value of investing in yourself - putting time and money into improving you, not building assets. Today, we’ll look at one area of investing in yourself as part of an ongoing series on the topic, spread out once per weekday over two weeks. If you’d like to review all the entries, look at the investing in yourself subcategory.
Most of the time, I’m a reasonably happy and content person. I feel upbeat about my own life and I feel in touch with the world around me. Sure, I occasionally dive into melancholic moods, but compared to my mental state several years ago, things are going incredibly well for me.
It’s not easy, though. I spend time virtually every day keeping my mind in good shape and keeping my spiritual self - that sense of connecting with things I don’t fully understand - in shape, too. Without proper care and feeding - without a little regular time investment - it’s easy to watch these areas of your life wear down, leaving you feeling constantly exhausted, unhappy, and feeling rather empty on the inside.
Obviously, one big part of this puzzle is to eat well and to engage in exercise, two specific areas that will be addressed in other essays on investing in yourself. Another one may actually be proper care for psychological ailments - if you feel you need such help, getting that help can be a profound investment of your time and money. Beyond that, here are some things that you can do to shore up your mental and spiritual health.
Pray and/or meditate every day
Just try this, right now. Close your eyes, then breathe in deeply, hold it for about a second, breathe out completely, hold that for about a second, and repeat it ten times. While you’re doing it, concentrate on letting every muscle in your body relax. If you need to think about something else, try to mentally return the most peaceful experience you’ve ever had in your life.
Got it? That’s meditation in a nutshell, albeit a one minute taste of it. I spend twenty minutes or so each day doing this, usually in conjunction with stretching and basic yoga. I usually do it each day right after work, in a quiet part of my home. Prayer can also be a part of this if you choose. Spend some of your time being thankful for the blessings in your life, and use the relaxation of a meditative state to recharge yourself mentally and spiritually. Here are a few tips to help you get into the groove.
Put aside a bit of time each day to pray or meditate. It can be in conjunction with other activities - I do mine along with stretching, for example, and one of my closest friends does a short meditation and prayer each day in the shower. Just clear your mind of the mental clutter of the moment and allow yourself to unwind.
Try several basic meditative techniques until you find one that works for you. There are countless different techniques out there to help you meditate. Try using Google to find a few to try out. If it seems pointless and doesn’t work for you, throw it out and try another. Eventually, you’ll find something that clicks with you.
Accompany it with a spiritual reading to meditate on and/or some music. Often, I start meditating by reading a Bible verse aloud, something to give me a bit of focus as I meditate/pray. Try reading a short snippet from any work that is powerful in your life. Another useful thing to try is to select some ambient music to play softly while doing it - I find Boards of Canada to be very good for both meditation and any activity I do that requires mental concentration - their album The Campfire Headphase works very well for me.
Get adequate sleep
This is a particular challenge for me, as I tend to overstuff my days with activities. Sleep tends to be the biggest thing that I shortchange, and I sometimes suffer for it, feeling deeply worn down and mentally not engaged with the things I should be engaged with. If I’m sitting around yawning and thinking about sleep, I might as well be sleeping.
Take a power nap. Set aside a small period of time during the day to take a nap - thirty minutes should do it. This is a technique that I often have a hard time executing, but one of my coworkers closes his office every day and takes a thirty minute nap on the floor with the lights off - when he awakens, he’s like a new person.
Sleep extra on weekend nights. I tend to use my weekends to recharge from an overpacked week, and one aspect of this is sleeping extra on weekends. I’ll sleep as much as four hours more on a weekend night than a weeknight, and it makes a huge difference for me.
Fall asleep faster. I do this by organizing my evenings carefully. I’ll do things that require mental effort until I notice that I’m not as mentally sharp as I should be. Then, I’ll fill the next hour with mindless physical tasks - vacuuming, doing dishes, doing laundry, and so on. When I reach the point of genuine tiredness, where it’s challenging to actually stay awake, then I go to bed and I usually fall asleep in a minute or two. Alternately, if I went to sleep earlier, I’d just toss and turn in bed for a while, read something, toss and turn some more, and maybe get a half an hour of additional sleep out of the deal - not worth it.
Eliminate burdens that are wearing you down
As most of you know, the number of responsibilities I have on my plate are many. I often have to come up with creative ways to manage my time - writing in the early morning hours (as I type this, it’s 4:25 AM, for instance), buying groceries during my lunch break at work, mastering the art of balancing an infant while reloading the dryer, and so on. While I’ve been able to juggle everything effectively for a while, it can be a major mental load at times, and I am prepared to make some changes if I feel that I’m becoming overwhelmed. Here are some tactics for discovering things to cut out of your life.
Make a master list of all of the responsibilities in your life. Sit down and list every significant responsibility in your life. Your work commitments. Your family commitments. Your social commitments. Your community commitments. Just write them all down in one place, all of the things that are a burden in your life. You can make it highly detailed or just list the big things - I find, though, that the more items you list, the better off you are for what you can do with the list.
Rank them by importance. I usually split them into five groups ranking from absolutely essential (time with my family) to trivial (scooping the sidewalk or mowing the grass). This is mostly to gauge what’s really important to me - and what’s really not. Some honesty is vital here - I have some responsibilities that I should view as more important than I actually do, for instance.
Consider eliminating the bottom few. When you’re done, start from the bottom and look for ways to eliminate them. Can you hire someone to mow the yard or scoop the snow? Can you perhaps step down from that useless committee? Maybe you can cut out the sports booster activities in the coming year. Trimming away some of the least important things leaves you room to breathe - and perhaps room to grow in other areas.
Focus on your personal positives, not your negatives
Many people find themselves in a downward spiral of self-reinforced failure. They come to believe that they’ll never succeed at anything. This belief then influences their behavior and then, when this failure finally comes to pass, they use it as evidence that they are a failure. This self-reinforcement leads to a hugely negative self-image and a very strong likelihood that success will never happen in a person’s life. I’ve witnessed some variation on this in a lot of different people in my life and I’ve also witnessed that the best way to get out of it is through some positive reinforcement.
Consider the things that you do well. I have a friend named Tori, who sometimes comments on this blog. She’s the type of person who has a lot going for her, but she tends to dwell on the negatives. She’s a better writer than I am, for starters, and her ability to recall facts is probably the best I’ve seen. She’s also very good at lifting the spirits of others, she’s great at seeing the positive aspects in other people, and she’s one of the most patient people I’ve ever met. Yet, quite often, I’ve seen her drowning because she looks at her “bad” traits, when there are so many good ones to look at.
If you have a hard time thinking of your positive traits, talk to a friend about them. See what your friends view as your most positive traits. You might be surprised at what they say - I’ve heard friends describe traits in me that I would have never seen on my own.
Once you’ve really got a grip on what’s good about you, choose ways to spend your time that accentuate those positives. Tori, who I mentioned above, would probably be the best person I’ve ever met to write a pop culture blog of some sort - she’s got the writing skill, the knowledge base, and the right attitude and humor to really make that kind of thing work. Perhaps she should adopt something like that as a hobby, as it could naturally lift her spirits by letting her use her good traits and minimizing the traits she views as “bad.”
Set tiny goals each day
A friend of mine recently told me that she feels as though she accomplishes nothing in her life. That’s a shame, because almost everyone accomplishes far more than they ever realize. Here are some tactics to raise your awareness of the many things that you can accomplish in a day.
Set some microgoals for the day. I do this almost every day. I usually do something along the lines of the prep card idea, where I actually write down three or so things that I will do today, and two things that I won’t do. It’s simple stuff, but stuff that feels like an accomplishment at the end of the day, whether it be something that I actively do or a triumph of willpower. For example, you might write down that you’ll stop at the library today and finally get some books on a topic you’ve been wanting to follow up on, and you won’t eat any fast food today. At the end of the day, if you made that library stop and the willpower held out, you accomplished some goals today.
If you feel out of touch with your spiritual side, try to explore it in some fashion each day. Make it your goal to pray every day, or to learn more about a spiritual topic, or to read a small amount of scripture. Just touch base with it every day and you’ll eventually feel more in touch with your spiritual side.
Engage in regular mental exercise
Regular mental exercises are a great way to improve your concentration skills as well as your ability to solve problems. There are countless ways to approach this, but doing a somewhat regular series of mental exercises can really pay off. Here are some of my favorite web resources for mental elasticity.
WebSudoku is a brilliant way to solve sudoku puzzles at your convenience. Solve them online, or print off a handful to do later if you wish.
The New York Times crossword is another good challenge, particularly for word-oriented people. I enjoy solving them in pen, meaning I’m not allowed to erase and can’t make a mistake - it adds to the challenge and the focus I need.
Bridge, however, is my favorite mental game. It’s an incredibly engaging card game - don’t let a bit of terminology scare you off. Once you learn to play, it’s a brilliant way to learn to focus and make predictions. Not only does it help with mental acuity, it can also be a strong social game as well.
Take some time off
If you’re simply mentally and spiritually exhausted and the above solutions don’t help, it’s probably time for a recharge. Take some time off from your responsibilities - schedule a lengthy vacation from work and get in touch with other aspects of your life. Time off is as much an investment in yourself as time at work is - they both pay great dividends in different ways, and a healthy life contains some of both.
最近,我讨论了自我投资的价值-花时间和金钱在完善你自己上,而不是购买资产。今天,我们先来看看自我投资的其中一方面,这也是将要开始的有关这个主题的系列文章的一部分。这一主题在这两周的每个工作日会推出一篇文章。如果你想回顾全部的文章,请查看“自我投资”目录下。
绝大多数时间里,我是一个理智、开心并知足的人。我对自己的人生感到乐观,并与我周边的世界保持联系。当然,我偶然也会陷入感伤的情绪,但与我几年前的心理状态相比,目前的状况对我来说简直好得难以置信。
不过,达至这样的状态并不容易。实际上,我每天都要花时间来保持心情舒畅的状态,确保自我精神的健全——即使我还不很了解“自我精神”这种感觉。如果没有恰当的呵护——没有定期投入时间去这么做的话——你很容易看到生命中的这一部分逐渐枯萎,然后你会感到持续的精疲力竭、不快活以及内心空虚。
显然,良好的饮食和积极锻炼也是实现心智健康的关键,不过这两个领域我将在别的“自我投资”系列文章中具体介绍。另一个关键则是对心理失调的恰当治疗——万一你觉得自己需要这样的帮助,用你的时间和金钱去获得它将是一项有远见的投资。在此之外,这里还有一些你可以做来改善自己的心智健康的事情。
每日祈祷和/或冥想
现在马上就试。闭上你的眼睛,深呼吸,保持一会儿,然后彻底的呼气,再保持一会儿,将上述步骤重复十遍。当你这么做的时候,集中精力让你身上的每块肌肉保持松弛。如果你忍不住要想一些别的事情,试着努力在脑海中回想那些你在人生中曾经历过的最平静的体验。
明白了吗?虽然介绍的有点简单,但总之这就是冥想。每天下班后,在屋子里一个的安静角落,我会花20分钟左右这样做,同时进行一些伸展运动和基本瑜伽动作。如果你愿意,可以把祈祷也作为其中的一部分。用一些时间感谢主对你生命的祝福,让这个放松的冥想状态使你的心理和心态得到回复。此外,这里还有一些小技巧可以帮助你保持最佳的精神状态。
每天用一点时间来祈祷或冥想。可以和别的一些活动一起做——比如我同时会做一些伸展运动,而我最亲近的朋友之一则会在每天淋浴时进行短暂的冥想和祈祷。这样做将会为你清理心中的烦乱,使你放松心情。
多尝试几种基本的冥想技巧,直到发现一个对你最有效的。有数不清的技巧可以帮助你进行冥想。不妨用Google去找一些来尝试下。如果某个技巧试下来对你没什么意义,而且对你也不起效,放弃它,然后试试别的。最终,你总会发现一些适合你的。
将冥想与灵修阅读及/或音乐结合起来。我通常会在冥想之前大声朗读圣经诗句,这会让我在冥想或祈祷时能够更好的集中注意力。尝试朗读一些对你人生有影响的著作中的短句。还有一项准备会有所帮助,就是在冥想/祈祷时不妨挑选一些节奏舒缓的环境音乐来播放——我自己感觉Boards of Canada(乐队名)的音乐对冥想或是我从事的任何需要精神专注的工作都很有帮助——他们的名为《The Campfire Headphase》的专辑对我就非常管用。
充足睡眠
这对我来说特别重要,因为我总是喜欢把自己每天的日程排得满满的。我总是倾向于克扣睡眠的时间,有时会因此而感到非常的疲倦,无法专注于我本应该全身心投入的事情。所以如果我坐着在那无所事事的打哈欠并且想睡觉,我就会去睡觉了。
好好打个盹。在白天时花一小段时间打个盹——30分钟就足够了。我自己在实行这个方法时遇到不少难度,不过我的一位合作者之一每天白天会暂时关上办公室的门,关上灯,然后在地板上小睡30分钟——当他醒来时,他会感觉自己焕然一新。
周末晚上额外多睡一会儿。我倾向于在周末为过度劳累的一周做补偿,而方法之一就是在周末补觉。在周末的晚上我会比平时多睡至4个小时,这对我非常管用。
让自己快速进入熟睡状态。我通过仔细安排晚上的活动来实现这点。我会做需要精神专注的工作,直到我发现自己的注意力无法集中。之后,我会再花一个小时做些无需全神贯注的体力活动——打扫卫生,洗碗,洗衣服等等。当我真的感到疲劳,很难再保持清醒状态时,我就会上床睡觉,这时我往往会在一、两分钟内入睡。如果不这样做,而是早早上床,我只会在床上翻来覆去,过一会儿起来读些东西,然后继续辗转反侧。也许这么做能让我多睡半小时——不过一点也不值得。
减少让你疲惫不堪的责任数量
正如你们中的大多数知道的,我有许多的事需要处理。我经常得想出创造性的办法来管理自己的时间——在凌晨写作(比如,当我写下这些东西的时候,是凌晨4点 25分),在我工作日的午餐时间去购买日常用品,在我使用烘干机的时候学习掌握平衡婴儿的方法(?),等等。但当我能够有效率的安排每件事,这工作本身又会变成一项很大的负担。所以如果我觉得自己负担过重,我就会准备去做些改变。下面有些技巧,能够帮助你找到并去掉生活中一些多余的责任。
制作一张包括你生活中所有责任的清单。坐下并列出你生活中每个重要的责任。你的工作约定。你的家庭承诺。你的社会责任。你对所在社团的责任。把所有那些你生活中的责任都写在一张纸上。你可以写得非常具体,也可以只写出大纲——不过我发现,你写在清单里的东西越多,这张清单就越能发挥作用。
对清单中的各项按重要性打分。我通常将所有的事情分到五个等级中,从绝对重要(有关自己家人的)到琐碎小事(清理人行道或修剪草坪)。最关键的是判断哪些事情对自己真正重要——而哪些不是。在此,对自己诚实非常要紧——比如说,有些你主观上觉得不重要的事情,实际上比你感觉到的重要得多,你应该给它们多一点关注。
考虑如何消去位于清单底部的事项。当你完成了清单,从清单底部开始,看看有没有办法解决他们。你是不是可以雇人来修剪草坪和铲除积雪?你是否能辞去那些无意义的职务?或者你也许能在接下去的一年里减少参与体育促进活动。去掉一些重要性较低的工作可以让你有喘息的机会——并且为你在其他方面获得进步创造条件。
关注你的优势,而不是劣势
很多人发现自己处于一个不断向下并自我强化的失败循环中。他们开始相信自己永远无法在任何事情上成功。这个想法影响到他们的行为,然后,当失败最终来临时,他们又将这作为他们自身失败的证据。这个自我强化的循环会引起严重的负面自我认识,并导致他们有很大的可能性在自己的一生中永远无法成功。我在很多不同的人身上见到过这样的例子,不过我也见证了摆脱这种境地的最好办法就是来自正面的强化推动力。
想想你出色的地方。我有一位时常在我的博客上留言的朋友,名叫Tori。她是那类有许多长处的人,但却总是想着自己的缺点。首先,她在写作上比我更出色,她的记忆力也许是我见过最好的。她还十分擅于给别人打气,看到别人身上闪光的地方,她也是我见过的最有耐心的人之一。然而,我却常常看到,即使有那么多的优点,她却因为只注意到自身的“缺点”而陷于消沉。
如果你不习惯去想自己的长处,不妨和朋友谈谈它们。看看你的朋友把什么看做你身上最大的优点。你也许会因为他们所说的而大吃一惊——我曾经听朋友们谈起我身上自己从没意识到的一些长处。
一旦你真正了解了自己的优势,接下来就该选择能够让这些优势得到加强的方式。我上文提起过的 Tori,也许会成为我见过的最好的流行文化博客写手——她有可以用来做好这件事的写作技巧,丰富的相关知识,正确的态度和幽默感。也许,她就应该将写作关于流行文化的博客当成习惯,因为这么做能够通过发挥长处让她自然的感到精神愉悦,并最大限度的弱化她身上那些她视为“不好”的特征。
为每天设置一个小目标
我的一个朋友最近告诉我,她老是感觉自己的一生一事无成。这是多么的遗憾,因为绝大多数人达到的成就实际远比他们意识到的要大得多。下面就有一些技巧,能让你意识到自己一天之内可完成许多事情。
为当天定下一些小的目标。我几乎每天都这样做。我通常采用记事便条的方式(译注:prep card,具体可见http://www.lifeclever.com/your-prep-card-dont-leave-home-without-it/),我在便条上记下3件左右我打算当天做的事情。以及两件我想克服的事。这都是些简单的事情,是那些我觉得可以在当天结束时会有结果的事,有的是我会积极去做的,有些则用来锻炼意志力。例如,你也许会写今天打算到图书馆去,借几本有关你正在关注的领域的书,此外今天不吃任何快餐食品。当一天结束时,如果你去过图书馆,而且坚持住没吃任何快餐,你当天就确实完成了一些目标。
如果你觉得迷失了自我,不妨每天坚持用某种方式来追寻它。让每天祈祷成为你的目标,或者是更多的了解有关灵性的知识,再或者阅读一小段圣经。坚持每天这么做,你终将感到重新找回了自己。
定期进行智力练习
定期进行的智力训练非常有助于促进你的专注能力和解决问题的能力。也许有数不清的其他方式能够帮助你达到这个目的,但定期的智力练习确实非常有帮助。下面是我自己非常喜欢的一些提供智力游戏的网络资源。
“网页数独”常出色,它让你能方便的解决数独谜题。你可以在线玩,也可以打印出一些,然后在你喜欢的时间做。
纽约时报的纵横字谜游戏是另一个非常棒的智力挑战,特别是对那些文字感比较强的人。我喜欢用钢笔写下答案,这意味着我不能把写错的擦掉,不能犯错误——这样做加大了挑战,并且使我更为专注。
桥牌也是我非常喜欢的智力游戏。它是一种有着迷人魅力的纸牌游戏——但别让那一点术语吓跑你。一旦你学会玩桥牌,你会发现这是学习专注和预测的极好方式。桥牌不仅锻炼你的思维能力,同时也是一种很棒的社会性游戏。
休息一阵
如果你只是单纯觉得精疲力竭,而上面的那些方法帮不到你,也许你该好好的休息一阵。从你的责任中将自己释放出来——计划个长假,忘记工作,尝试做点不同的事情。休假也是非常重要的一项自我投资,不亚于工作——它们通过不同的方式为你带来巨大的回报,健康的人生应该是两者的均衡。