Where I see people waste the most amount of time, where they reduce their productivity and efficiency and ultimately their happiness is from vacillating between just two words: “Yes” or “No.”

Often people say “Yes” when they mean “No” or “No” when they should say “Yes.”

“Yes” and “No” are a negotiation of another person’s request.

Both words a very powerful and have direct impact on your well-being. Each word has to be used wisely, judiciously, and with grace, with your inner-harmony in mind.

When people get stuck in waging the battle between the two heads of “Yes” and “No” I am reminded of the “Pushme-Pullyu” the two-headed animal from the classic children’s book “The Story of Dr. Dolittle” by Hugh Lofting.

The Pushme-Pullyu animal was always heading in the opposite direction at the same time, because he had one head on one end of his body and another head on the opposite end of his body.

Are you a Pushme-Pullyu?

When you say “Yes” or you say “No” do you really mean it?

It is crucial to avoid being a Pushme-Pullyu, because a state of unnecessary indecision lowers your vibration-rate, and it drains away your personal power rather than strengthening it.

There is a tendency in Pushme-Pullyu people that when they do make a decision they are then riddled with self-doubt afterwards.

To make a decision quickly and not vacillate or second guess oneself is a critical life-skill.

It is especially important with the acceleration of the world around us today, fast decisions are asked of us minute-by-minute.

A person who is not a Pushme-Pullyu, can take full advantage when “opportunity knocks” because they make a self-assured decision quickly without vacillating. Therefore they do not waste their precious energy with worry and they also do not avoid making a decision by not saying either a “Yes” or “No.”

They do not hide from life, they live life.

It is also important to foster this enlightened habit because when you say “Yes” or “No” and come from clarity and discernment this enables you to rid yourself of needless guilt and feelings of conflict, so you can live a richer, more fulfilling life, it sets you free.

The Secret to “Yes” and “No”:

The power behind “Yes” and “No” is when you state them truthfully. As a result, not only is your relationship to yourself better, so is your relationship to others.

This is applying the art of simplification—making your relationship to yourself and others more pure, more real, and always from a place of love.

After all, “Truth” is simplification at its core.

We say “Yes” or “No” almost every minute of our life, what kind of person is the lack of doing this truthfully making you?

This is the exact moment when you are probably saying out loud “No Mara, that can’t be! People don’t like it when I say “No.” If I say “No” people are mad at me. How could what you are saying make my relationships better, it would make them worse.”

So here is my reply, here is the secret: When you take care of yourself, your relationships work.

What I mean by this, is that if you don’t honor what is in your well-being, and come from a place of trying to people-please in order to gain approval from someone else, or to try to make them like or love you more, by giving them the “Yes” they want by saying yes when you need to say no, it always backfires.

Think back on a time when you did this, you know now that it backfired. Not only did your relationship to yourself suffer, ultimately your relationship to the other person did too, because in some way you probably withheld a “Yes” to them afterwards. And I don’t mean a verbal “Yes” this time, I mean the “Yes” of opening your heart to them.

When we say “No” in our hearts it closes our energetic reach toward another person, typically this is fostered by resentment. Often we think of saying “No” to another person as taking away from them, but in actuality when you take care of yourself your relationships work, and your “No” becomes a “Yes”—a “Yes” to you. And this action ultimately gives back to the other person also.

And know that “No” can be said with grace. Because when you do, you gain respect from another person and you are still viewed as generous and kind. They understand you are exhibiting self-care.

When you don’t take care of yourself and honor your own needs and boundaries your relationships with yourself and others suffer. It just doesn’t work in life to come from a place of people-pleasing. And that is typically the prime motivation for a Pushme-Pullyu person to say “Yes” when they need to say “No”.

Choosing Between the Two Heads of “Yes” and “No”:

You have choice. “Choice” is a privilege and to harness choice empowers us. You have the freedom to choose and the freedom to change your mind.

In terms of productivity, how you deal with this choice dictates whether or not you waste your time and the time of another person or people.

Once you “spend” your time or other people’s time, that time is gone, that time cannot be replaced.

So use your power of choice to say “Yes” or “No” when you mean it.

About The Author: Mara Rogers’ Secrets for Money blog brings you tips to make more money, save more money, and manage your money.

我看到人们浪费时间最多的地方，也是他们降低生产率和效率的地方，而且最终他们的幸福也会在“是”与“不是”之间徘徊。

这些人常常在意图说“不是”的时候却说“是”，而意图说“是”的时候却说“不是”。

“是”与“不是”是另外一个请求之下的协商。

两个词都很力量而且对您的幸福有直接的影响。每个词都需要聪明地、明智地使用，而且要优雅地内心充满和谐地使用。

当人们陷入“是”与“不是”两难之争且难分难解时，我会受到胡?洛夫汀的经典儿童小说《多林特医生的故事》一书中那头双头奇兽“推我－拉你”的提醒。

那头双头奇兽“推我－拉你”总是在同一个时间往相反的方向前进，因为他身体两端都各自有一个脑袋。

您也是一个“推我－拉你”型的人吗？

当您说“是”或是“不是”的时候，您真正要表达的意思是什么呢？

要避免自己成为 “推我－拉你”型的人，这一点是非常重要的，因为处于不必要的优柔寡断的状态中会降低您的工作效率，而且它会使您的个人力量得到削弱而不是加强。

对于那些“推我－拉你”型的人有一种倾向，就是当他们在做某个决定的时候，他们往往缺少自信。

快速地做决定并对自己充满信心是一项很重要的人生技巧。特别是在我们当今所处的社会日新月异的时代，这种技能显得尤其重要，我们会面临分分秒秒地需要快速做决定的要求。

不是“推我－拉你”型的人能够在“机会来敲门”的时候充分抓住这种机会，因为他们会毫不犹豫地快速做出自信的决定。因此，他们不会浪费宝贵的精力用来担心这担心那，而且他们在做决定的时候要么说“是”要么说“不是”。

他们不会逃避生活，他们热爱生活。

养成这种好习惯也是非常重要的，因为当您说“是”或者说“不是”的时候，首先您的思路必须非常清晰而且反应敏捷，这会使您远离无谓的内疚和内心的自我矛盾感，这样您就可以生活得更加充实和自在。

“是”与“不是”的秘密：

“是”与“不是”背后的力量在于您真实地陈述它们的时候。它不仅仅能够促进您和内心自我的关系，还能改善您和他人的关系。

这需要运用单纯化的艺术----让您和内在自我之间以及您和他人之间的关系更加纯粹、更加真实，而且始终包含着爱。总之，“真实”的核心就在于单纯化。

我们的生活中几乎每一分钟都会说“是”或“不是”，哪些人无需这么做却可以真实地展示自己？

此时，您或许会大声说，“不，马拉，那是不可能的！人们不会喜欢听到我说‘不是’的。如果我说了‘不’的话，他们一定会对我生气的。怎么可能如您所说的这样会改善我与他人的关系呢，反而会恶化我和他们之间的关系哦。”

那么，我的回答是，这样做是有秘诀的：当您照顾您自己的时候，您的关系就开始起作用了。

我指的意思是，如果您对自己的幸福不在意的话，那您或许会为了获得他人的认同、或是试图让别人更加喜欢您，而在他人希望您说“是”可您内心却需要说“不是”的时候回答对方说了“是”，您想要取悦对方，而这样做往往会适得其反。

回想一下当您这么做的时候，得到的结果是事与愿违的。不仅仅是您和内在自我的关系受到伤害，最终连您和其他人的关系也受到了影响，因为您很有可能以某种方式向他们隐瞒了“是”，在这里我并不是指动词的“是”，我所指的“是”，是您已经向他们打开了心门。

当我们内心说“不是”的时候，它就会向对方关闭我们内心的能量，非常典型的就是愤恨滋生出来的。通常当我们对其他人考虑说“不是”的时候意味着要远离那些人，而现实中当您照顾到您自己的各种关系时，您的“不是”就变成了“是”----对于您自己“是”，而这样的行为最终会回馈到您和其他人相处的关系中去。

了解“不是”也可以说得让人接受。因为当您这么做的时候，您可以赢得别人对您的尊重，您仍然会被认为是宽宏大量的、善良的。他们理解您对自我的照顾。

当您不会照顾自己、不在乎您自己的需求和界限时，您和自我的关系以及您和他人的关系就会受到影响。当您刻意取悦他人时您的生活品质会受到影响。而且这也是“推我－拉你”型的人明明需要说“不是”的时候却说“是”的最主要的动机。

“推我－拉你”型的人在两个头当中进行选择：

您可以选择。“选择”是一种特权，我们可以充分地利用它。您拥有选择的自由以及改变主意的自由。

就效率方面，您如何进行选择意味着您是否会浪费自己的时间以及他人的时间I。

一旦您“花”了自己的时间或是别人的时间，这个时间就一去不复返了。

因此当您意图说“是”或“不是”的时候，运用您的选择的力量。

有关作者：马拉·罗杰斯的《钱的秘密》这一博客会给您提示让您赚更多的钱、存更多的钱、以及管理您的钱财。