We have all launched ourselves on the road to happiness. We are obsessed with the pursuit of it, but all too often, we become discouraged. We struggle and bumble our way along, but somehow happiness continues to elude us.
Part of the problem is that the term, happiness, is kind of vague. We set off on our search for it before we know what it is or how to obtain it. Many of us have created a monster with our relentless pursuit of happiness. We’ve chosen this broad and mighty goal “HAPPINESS” and then we set about trying to achieve it by eliminating all of the negative aspects of our lives, identifying our one true passion, divining our life’s purpose and setting out to achieve our life’s dreams…all before lunch. Then we wonder why it isn’t working.
And yet, it is true that the pursuit of happiness is worth the effort. Research has shown that positive emotions have not just the benefit of momentary pleasure, but of long-term well-being also. Positive emotions bring us pleasure, counteract the damaging effects of negative emotions, build resilience and promote long-term physical and emotional health. (See my prior post on The Power of Positive Emotions) We don’t want to give up on happiness, but we do need to find an easier way.
As we all know, when we have a big goal, it helps to break it down into smaller pieces. If we think of happiness as an overarching emotional state that is created by the presence of other, positive emotions, the process of achieving happiness becomes less daunting.
Joy, contentedness, love, interest, and satisfaction are some of the positive emotions that lead us to feel happy. The more we experience these positive emotions, the happier we’ll be.
Easy so far, right? But how do we cultivate positive emotions? That’s easy too, if you’re willing to let it be.
When we engage in activities or spend time with people (or animals) that we like, we tend to feel positive emotions. You might experience joy when you tickle your baby and make him smile, or feel interest when you read the editorial section of the paper or feel content when you snuggle up with your husband to watch a movie. There are many things in our lives that generate positive emotions. Simply put, the more time you spend engaged in activities that induce positive emotion, the more positive emotion you will feel and the more likely you will be to achieve an overall sense of happiness.
To get you started I’ve included a very generic list of ideas for ways that you can invite more positive emotion into your life. You will, of course, put your own, personal spin on these and identify the specific people or activities that will bring about positive emotion in you. These are just ideas to get you started thinking:
Exercise.
Okay, no groaning now. Exercise, beyond making you more fit, also brings about the release of endorphins. This is a “feel good” chemical that is produced in your body. Now come on, who doesn’t want to feel good? You might like lifting weights or running or prefer to join a local basketball league. Any moderately strenuous physical activity counts.
Spend Time With Others.
Time spent with people (not just any people, but upbeat, positive people) can bring about feelings of joy, love, interest etc. Go out with your friends, visit with family, chat with the mailman. Don’t feel like talking? Just smile at people once in a while…when they smile back, which they will do most of the time, see if it doesn’t make you feel good.
Don’t forget your animal friends either. Playing with the dog, watching the birds or rabbits in the back yard or even chatting with your son’s pet hamster can make you feel more content or even make you laugh. (Yes, I do talk to my son’s hamster and my daughter’s as well…is that a problem?)
Quiet Your Mind.
Formal meditation, prayer or even just sitting with your eyes closed for a few minutes can bring about relaxation and a sense of inner peace.
Spend Time in Nature.
I’ve written ad nauseum about the benefits of time spent in nature over at BetweenUsGirls. Suffice it to say that nature, whether a hike in the woods or simply gazing at the river from your office window, can bring about relaxation, feelings of connectedness, and even spark creativity. While there is much research to prove that time in or near nature has a positive impact on mood, I am sure that you don’t need proof. It isn’t often that I run across a person who hasn’t experienced the soothing effects of nature for his- or herself.
Express Yourself.
Creative expression of any kind (art, crafts, cooking, decorating, writing) can bring along a great deal of positive emotion. Your work doesn’t have to be good…you just have to enjoy doing it.
Have Fun.
This might mean making more time for your hobbies, taking up a new hobby, spending more time with friends or quick-and-easy activities like seeing a movie, going to a concert or texting back and forth with someone who always makes you laugh. Anything that engages your interest or makes you laugh or smile.
Volunteer Work.
Quite often, doing things that help others, brings feelings of joy and accomplishment. Making someone else feel good often makes us feel just as good.
Now, there you go. Seven very good general ideas that can be made into a multitude of specific ones for generating positive emotion. I’m sure that now that you’re thinking, you’ll come up with some other original ideas. If you do, share them with us…please!
The older I get, the more that I realize that it really is the little things that make us happy. Becoming a happier person doesn’t have to be hard work. Remember, one step at a time. Have lunch with a friend, take a walk in the woods, play with the dog, see a funny movie. Every time you engage in an activity that peaks your interest, makes you smile or gets your endorphins flowing, it’s like money in the bank. A little laugh here, a loving hug there and before you know it you’ve become the happy person you’ve always wanted to be without hardly trying.
我们都在寻找幸福。我们沉迷于追逐幸福,但是有太多的时候我们会变得气馁。 我们独自努力摸索着,但是不知道怎么了幸福还是在躲避着我们。
这个问题的一部分在于“幸福” 这个词,某种程度上是不明确的。我们在知道幸福是什么和如何获得幸福以前就开始了我们对幸福的追寻。我们中的很多人把对幸福的追寻看作很大的麻烦。我们选择了这个广义的和很强大的目标“幸福”然后我们通过消除生活中否定的东西,找到真正的爱好,推测生活的目的和实现梦想等方式来达到幸福……全部都在午餐之前。然后我们开始疑惑为什么这没有用。
然而,对于幸福的追随是值得我们努力的。有研究显示积极的感情不仅仅给我们带来一瞬间的满足,还有长期的幸福。 积极的感情给我们快乐,抵消了消极情感的坏影响,建立愉快的心情和促进长期的身心健康。 (见我早期的帖子积极情感的力量) 我们并不放弃幸福,但是我们真的需要找一个更简单的方法。
就像我们都知道的那样,当我们有大的目标时,把它分成小块会比较有用。如果我们认为幸福是一种由他人的出现,积极的情感组成的总体的情感状态,达到幸福的过程会变得不那么让人望而生畏。
高兴,知足,爱情,兴趣和满意是积极情感中的几种他们会使我们感到快乐。我们越多的经历这些情感就越快乐。
到现在为止都很简单,对不对?但是我们该如何培养积极的情感呢?如果你想让它那样的话,也是很简单的。
当我们和自己喜欢的人(或动物)一起做某事或度过一段时间的时候,我们趋向于有积极的情感。你也许会在逗乐你的宝宝让他微笑的时候感到高兴,对报纸上的社论文章产生兴趣,或是在依偎在爱人身边观赏电影时感到无比的满足。在我们的生活中,有很多事物可以带来积极的情感。简单来说,在可能带来积极情绪的活动上投入越多的时间,我们就可以产生越多的积极的情绪,也就更有可能演绎出幸福的真谛。
为了使你启程,我列了一张非常详细的清单,包括了许多可以让你在生活中找到积极情绪的方法。当然,你可以在它们中间加入你自己的见解,或者与一些可以带给你积极情绪的人或是活动建立联系。这些都只是想法,不过是为了使你开始思考。
运动
好了,先不要抱怨。运动除了让你更加健康之外,还可以带来内啡肽的释放。这是一种在你身体里产生的、可以使你“感觉很不错”的化学物质。现在就运动吧,有谁会不想感觉良好呢?你可能会喜欢举重,或是长跑,或是更加偏爱参加篮球队。任何适度的体育活动都是有意义的。
与他人一起消磨时光
与他人一起消磨时光(不是任何人,而是那些积极乐观的人们。)可以带来愉悦、爱、兴趣等情感。与朋友一同出游;和家人一同旅行;与邮差先生闲聊……不喜欢谈话?只要时不时的对人们微笑就好了……当他们也向你微笑的时候——大多数时候他们都会这样做——看看这样是否可以使你感觉不错。
同时,不要忘记你的动物朋友。与小狗一同玩耍,在后院照料鸟儿或是小兔子,甚至与你儿子的宠物仓鼠交谈,这些都可以使你感到愈发的满足以至于笑出声来。(是的,我真的有同我儿子的仓鼠交谈,还有我女儿的……这有什么问题吗?)
冷静你的头脑
正式的默想,祈祷或者只是坐在那里闭目沉思几分钟都可以带来放松以及内心的平和。
身处自然
我曾经在 BetweenUsGirls上发表过一篇关于身处自然的益处的文案。进一步说,身处自然,无论是一次树林中的远足,还是简简单单的从你的办公室窗户里凝视一条河流,都可以带来轻送、满足的感觉,甚至可以激发创作的火花。有很多研究可以证明与自然共度的时光可以对人的情绪产生积极的作用,我可以肯定对于这一点你不需要更多的证据了。我很少遇见这样的人,自然的抚慰作用在他身上没有成效。
展现自我
任意一种创造性表达(艺术,手工艺,厨艺,装饰,写作)都可以带来许多积极的情绪。你的作品可能不一定是成功的……你只是喜欢创作他们。
过得快乐
这一条可能意味着你要投入更多的时间在你的爱好上,同时发现新的爱好,或是花费更多时间与你的朋友在一起,做一些“方便快捷”的活动。像是看一场电影,出席一场音乐会,与一个总是逗你发笑的人来回的发短信 。你可以做任何事,只要他们可以引发你的兴趣,或是能让你大笑或微笑。
志愿工作
经常性的做一些帮助他人的事,可以带来愉悦的感觉,并且从中获得社交的技艺。送人玫瑰,手有余香。
现在你都了解了,有七种很好的、很全面的见解可以作为寻找乐观情绪的准则。我敢说你现在一定在思考了,然后你会提出一些新颖的观点。如果你真的这样做了,与我们分享他们吧……拜托!
度过的岁月越多,我就越发的领略到,真的存在一些很微小的事物,可以使我们快乐。成为一个更加幸福的人并不是一项很繁重的工作。要记住,每次迈出一步就够了。与朋友共进午餐,在丛林间漫步,与小狗玩耍,看一场戏剧电影。每一次你从事一项活动(它或者可以激发你的兴趣使你微笑,或者可以是你的内啡肽运动),就像是把钱存进银行一样,你也可以存储乐观的情绪。像是一个小小的微笑,或是一个轻轻的拥抱。在你知道这一切之前,你总是想成为一个幸福的人,却又不喜欢努力尝试。但现在,你已经开始走在幸福的路上了。