We can’t articulate it, but we know a charming person when we see one. It’s that person at the party who seems to know everybody. He works the crowd with such ease and has a positive aura about him, and everybody just seems drawn to him like steel to a magnet. He leaves people thinking “What a great guy!” and seems to have it all together.

I would be a fool if I wrote an article on how to be charming if I wasn’t charming to begin with. I don’t mean to say I’m the most charming man on the face of the earth, but I do have my moments. I’ve reflected back on those moments, studied other charismatic people, read books on the subject, and asked other charismatic people to share their insights on this elusive trait. You know what I learned? Charisma is not genetic. It can be learned. On to the 8 tips.

1. Get your own life in order first.

When everything is going right in your life, the world is your oyster. You’re in the zone, you’re on top of the world, you feel invincible, like everything has fallen into place just for you. You don’t have a single worry in the world and you feel like singing and dancing in the rain. With this kind of mental state, it’s a double edged sword. It can lead you to become the most charismatic person in the world, or the most obnoxious and boastful person in the world (more on how to not be the latter later on in this article).

You cannot fake charisma if you have problems going on in your life, whether it’s trouble paying the bills, family issues, relationship problems, etc. That stuff will weigh you down.

Get your life in order. Pay the bills, save some money in the bank, forgive other people, don’t hold grudges, be courteous to all, resolve any issues you have with people, have a passion in life, have a dream you’re working on, eat right, exercise, etc. You will find that getting your act together will make it extremely easy for you to be charismatic, because then you can do the other half of what charismatic people do, and that is focus on the other person.

2. Exercise

Exercise before attending any event or gathering (and please shower afterwards :) ). It’ll give you the energy you need to emanate your glowing charm throughout the room. It’ll get you in the right mindset of a being a happy positive person because of the endorphins circulating in your body. It’ll give you that confidence to start socializing. You’ll be on your game. Everything will flow just right because you feel like a million bucks.

3. Wear the clothes

You know what clothes I’m talking about. Everybody’s got an outfit that makes them feel like a million bucks. We all know that clothes make you feel good. If you feel good, it’ll be really easy to make others feel good. And the less worried you are about your appearance, the more you can focus on the other person. The more content you are with yourself (aka self confident), the more easier it will be to turn on the charm.

4. Pre-socialize

I don’t know why it is, but if I have socialized prior to attending a gathering or event, I find it way easier to turn on the charm. What I mean by pre-socializing is just striking up conversations with any person you meet on the way to the event; the store clerk, the people on the elevator, the security guard, etc. Just some light conversation. Nothing heavy. How are you? Busy day today eh? I like your jacket. Do you mind me asking where you got it? I think pre-socializing gets you into the groove of easily being able to talk to any person, one of the key skills in becoming charming.

When you get to the event:

5. Pretend you’re the host and talk to EVERYBODY

This is a very cool paradigm to try out. Instead of standing in the corner, sipping your drink and hoping somebody will come talk to you, take the initiative and start talking with EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE. You can do this if you pretend to be the host of the event. Start by looking out for people who are trying to act cool, but are desperately wishing that someone would go talk to them. You know exactly who they are. Rescue them from their worries and you’ll see their face light up and thank you for approaching them. Work the crowd, ask how everyone’s doing. They will all light up and respond favorably. Get to know people and introduce people to other people. Most people don’t have the guts to approach strangers, so when you do it for them, they’ll be extremely grateful.

Don’t discriminate based on social groups. People are all the same. Talk to the skater, the artist, the economist, the stock broker, the lawyer, the doctor, the entrepreneur, the bartender, the guy standing in the corner, the waiter, everybody. Talk to everyone and make them feel welcome. You just need to get the ball rolling. Once you start talking to one stranger and get in the rhythm, you’ll be an unstoppable social butterfly.

6. You, not I.

Charming people focus on the other person. Rarely are they themselves the topic of discussion. When you’re out there schmoozing, listen to people when they talk to you and give them feedback to indicate that you are listening and that you understand. Be genuinely interested in the other person. Ask all about them. Always think of how you can help them. Send business their way. Hook them up with other people at the party you think they might get along well with.

7. Make them feel good.

Give people genuine compliments. Everybody needs compliments like food and water because everybody’s self esteem can always use a little boost. Don’t go for the cliché compliments like everyone else. Remember, you’re the charismatic one. You’ve got to step it up a notch. Think of a genuine killer compliment.

Also, don’t forget to use the power of touch. A hormone called oxytocin is secreted when you touch someone and studies have shown that promotes bond and trust between people. Oxytocin is also a feel good hormone so when they get hit with it, they associate that good feeling with you as well. Obviously, use your better judgment here. Don’t go up and start molesting people. Be tactful with your touch. You will find that women are the masters of this. They will lightly tap your forearm when making a point or playfully hit your shoulder when engaged in conversation with you.

People tend to remember conversations with people who use the power of touch. I remember going to one event and being charmed off the socks with this one guy. He had it going. He was working the crowd, he saw me, introduced himself, and started to ask all sorts of questions about me. I, in turn, shamelessly succumbed to his charm and divulged a lot of information and we both had good laughs. You know why I remember him out of all the other people I interacted with that day? It’s because he squeezed my arm when he shook my hand. No joke. That’s how I remembered him. As the charming guy who squeezed my arm. Touch is a very powerful thing. Use it wisely.

8. Be positive.

Smile. Charming people are known for making people feel way better after interacting with them. They have a light feathery touch to them that brings smiles and good feelings to everybody they come in contact with.

Talk about positive things. Avoid negative things. You’ll always run into people who turn a good conversation into a bad one by bringing up some negativity. If that happens, try to tactfully point out the positive aspects of the situation. If that fails, excuse yourself from the group and move on. There’s no need to be part of the down group.

Get your stuff together, exercise, put on those nice clothes, get in the habit of socializing with everyone, talk with everyone, really listen and keep the focus on them, make them feel good, only associate yourself with positive things and people, and you’ll find yourself being that one person who’s always lighting up the room.

虽无法言传，但我们能一眼看出魅力十足的人：他在聚会上似乎万人熟；他在人群中游刃有余， 顶着光环，众人像铁之于磁石那样地被他吸引；他让人们觉得“多棒的家伙！”；似乎他拥有这一切特质。

要是我没有魅力却写一篇关于如何变得富有魅力的文章，这岂不荒唐！我并不是说我是世界上最有魅力的男人，但我确有魅力四射的时候。我回味那些时刻，研究其他富有魅力的人，读这方面的书籍，向其他拥有魅力的人请教。你知道我学到了什么吗？魅力不是天生的，而是可以学会的。这里有八个窍门。

1. 先将生活纳入正规

如果你的生活事事如意，你就可以随心所欲、尽得其乐。你得其所哉，你站在世界之巅，你无可匹敌，仿佛所有花儿都为你开放。在世间你没有一丝烦恼，你想要在雨中纵歌起舞。这种境界是把双刃剑，它能使你成为世上最有魅力的人，也能把你变成人间最无聊自负的人（后文将着重探讨如何避免这第二种情形）。

如果你的生活存在问题，你就无法装出拥有魅力的样子——无论你是无法付账，还是家庭琐事，或是关系问题等等，这些都会压得你挺不起腰。

让你生活走向正轨。付清账单、把钱存进银行、原谅他人、勿怀嫉妒、对所有人都彬彬有礼、解决掉人际关系中的所有问题、拥有生活的激情、拥有梦想并去追求、合理饮食、锻炼体魄等等。你会发现当你身体力行这些之后，拥有魅力真是小菜一碟，因为接下来你能去做其他有魅力的人所做的另一半事情——那就是关注他人。

2. 运动

参加任何活动或聚会前，先运动一下（然后请洗下澡:) ）。这会赐予你所需的能量，让你魅力四射。这也将让你处于快乐积极的精神状态中，因为内啡肽正在你的体内徘徊。这还会给你自信去开始社交活动。你将会发挥良好，诸事顺利，因为你感觉你像个大款。

3. 着装

你知道我要说的是什么样的衣服。人人都拥有一套服装，穿上去觉得自己就像大款。我们都知衣饰能让你自我感觉良好。如果你自我感觉良好，那就容易让他人感觉良好。而且你对自己外形的担忧越少，就越能把注意力放在别人身上。你对你自己越满意（亦称自信），就越容易施展魅力。

4. 预交际

我不知道为什么要这样，但如果我在参加聚会或活动之前先交际一下，我就能更容易地找到办法来施展魅力。我说预交际的意思就是在你去参加活动的途中先随便找个什么人交谈一下，如店员、电梯里的人、保安等等。就只是一些轻松的对话。不要是沉重话题。你怎么样？今天很忙，是吗？我喜欢你的外套。可以问一下你在哪儿买的吗？ 我认为预交际让你处于一种可以和任何人交谈的最佳状态，这是展现魅力的不二法门之一。

当你到达某次活动时：

5. 装作主人的样子跟所有人交谈

这是个很酷的套路，值得一试。不要缩在角落里，啜着饮料，守株待兔地等人说话。要反客为主，开始和所有人谈话，我是说和所有人。如果你装着自己就是这次活动的主人，你就能做到这一点。开始四周环顾，去找那些努力装得很酷、但却很想别人能找其交谈的人。你知道他们是正什么样的人。把他们从窘境中解脱出来，你就会看到他们的脸上变得神采奕奕，他们很感激你能接近他们。在人群中四处活动，向每个人问长问短。他们都会变得神采奕奕的，而且会友好地回应你。去认识人，然后把这些人介绍给那些人。大多数人没有勇气接触生人，因此当你为他们做这些后，他们会非常感激的。

不要根据社会圈子做出区别对待。所有人都是等同的。溜冰健将、艺术家、经济学家、 股票经纪人、律师、医生、企业家、站在角落里的家伙、服务生以及所有人，都同他们交谈。和所有人说话，并让他们感到宾至如归。你需要做的只是让事情开始运作起来。一旦你开始和生人说话，并能侃侃而谈，你就会成为一只永不停歇的社交蝴蝶。

6. 是你，而非我

有魅力的人会关注他人。他们自己很少是讨论的话题。若你在那儿看他们闲谈，当他们对你说话时，你要仔细听，并作出回应以表明你在正在听而且明白他们的意思。要真诚地对他人感兴趣。问有关他们的所有事情。总是想着怎样才能帮他们。按照他们的方式行事。为他们和聚会上你认为合得来的其他人进行牵线搭桥。

7. 让他们得意

真诚地去恭维别人。恭维如同水和食物，每个人都需要，因为每个人的自尊总能获得些许提高。不要向其他人那样使用些陈词滥调。要记住，你是个富有魅力的人。你必要要高人一等。要想出一个真正的有杀伤力的奉承话。

还有，别忘了触摸的力量。当你触摸某人时，身体会分泌出一种叫做催产素的荷尔蒙，研究显示这会增进人们之间的亲和与信任。催产素也是一种能产生好感的荷尔蒙，所以当别人分泌出催产素时，就会对你产生好感。显然，对此你要做出更好的判断，不要去骚扰别人，在触摸时要机智老练一些。你会发现女人们精于此道，当他们表明看法时会轻拍你的前臂，或者当他们在与你交谈时会开玩笑似的击一下你的肩膀。

人们往往会记住那些触摸过他们的人的谈话。我记得有一次去参加某个活动，就彻头彻尾被这样的一个家伙给征服得了。一切尽在他的掌握之中。他在人群中活动，看到我，就进行自我介绍，然后就问有关我的各种各样的问题。而反过来，我却被他的魅力所折服，扭捏不堪地倾倒出我的很多事情，我们都很畅快地笑着。在那天我同很多人接触，但你知道为什么我却唯独记得他？这是因为当他同我握手时，他捏住我的手臂。不是说笑。这就是我是如何记住他的——那个捏我手臂的魅力男。触摸很好很强大，要活学活用。

8. 正面积极

要笑。让别人在与你交流之后感觉舒畅很多，这正是富有魅力的人的看家本事。他们还有一种轻如羽翼的质感，那就是将微笑和良好感觉带给同他们接触过的所有人。

谈论积极的事物。要避免消极的东西。你总会遇到这样一些人：他们在交谈时带入一些消极因素，从而把一次愉快的谈话变得尴尬不欢。如果碰到这种情况，试着巧妙地指出事情的积极方面。要是无法挽回，那就借故告退，另寻他处，因为没必要成为这低级谈话圈的一部分。

综合运用上述技巧：运动、优雅着装、养成习惯与所有人交际、和所有人说话、真正地倾听并关注他们、让他们感觉良好、只在自己和积极的事物和人联系在一起。这样你就会发现自己正在成为那个总是让厅堂熠熠生辉的人。