Sometimes it's not easy being an optimist. Actually, what am I saying? It's never easy being an optimist. I know because for years I subscribed to the “Oh my God, I'm going to fail this exam, I KNOW I am!” school of self-flagellation. While this works quite nicely as a mild warmer-upper for full-on depression, it is incredibly tedious for everyone else and makes them depressed too, so then they don't notice yours.

Being a pessimist is also a bit girlie. Girlie is passé. Ergo, it's time to become an optimist especially since, sooner or later, it's bound to be scientifically proven that optimism is a brilliant long-term safeguard against dementia or more calorie-burning than pessimism which, let's face it, is little more than a slack-assed, default setting for anyone born in the UK.

Take it from me, optimism is very 2010 - and therefore ahead of the pack. While all around are sinking faster than the Titanic, optimism stocks are soaring. Someone should market it as a perfume at the very least - honestly, Calvin Klein must be losing his touch. Which brings me to the point in hand.

According to this week's let's-all- slash-our-wrists survey, this time by PricewaterhouseCoopers, one in five shops could be “void” by the time that the economy picks up again, partly because of the downturn, partly because new shopping centres, equivalent in size to eight Bluewaters, are opening in the next 18 months, including the 43-acre Westfield in Shepherds Bush, West London, which opened last month.

Although this report sounds as though it was written by 13-year-old girls with a Doctor Who obsession (wouldn't closed have done the job just as well as void?) and serious GCSE anxiety, this is not completely bad news. First, it will clear out some dross. Secondly, it should remind all of our beloved retailers that, rather than spending the next few years concreting, glassing and champagnebarring over every last blade of grass, they might prefer to concentrate on improving service in their existing empires.

In this spirit (and what's more, free of charge), The Times fashion department offers the following suggestions.

Lighting
A complete overhaul of lighting in changing rooms. We're not asking you to make us look like Angelina Jolie, but nor do we want to cry because suddenly we can see cellulite on our eyelids. PS you might like to dust changing areas regularly as well, and install rear and side-view mirrors, plus a chair. Shopping is tiring, you know.

Tills
Why have six tills if you only ever operate two? This will also help to boost employment and prompt a future prime minister to confer a knighthood upon you.

On hold
When you say that you will keep something for us for two hours, do not expect us to react as though you have just found a cure for double chins. Some of us work in out-of-the-way places. Please hold until the weekend.

Look-books
Keep look-books just as the fancy boutiques do (Whistles already does). This way customers can see what's coming in over the coming weeks and months and plan properly.

Transfers
Don't make us tramp to another branch to see if it has an item in our size. Make the call for us, get it transferred, then send us an e-mail.

Bag drop
We'd like a conciergerie to hold all our purchases until the end of the day (à la Westfield) so that we don't have to trudge around like abused mules.

Delivery
An inexpensive service. To our doors. At a time that suits us.

Music
No head-banging and absolutely nothing by Madonna post 1993 - honestly, no one likes it, not even the kids, and certainly not the traumatised staff.

Sizes
Rationalise sizes. If we can put a man on the Moon and make Britney sound in tune, surely each brand can ensure that its lines are consistent.

Advisers
We would like style advisers in all stores, please.

Loos
Free water dispensers - and loos should be compulsory. Simple rules, but we'd all stay much longer.

Clichés
If Simon Cowell can ban Louis Walsh from saying, “You nailed that song”, surely our retail tsars can outlaw these: “It looks greeeeeat”; “Have you seen our two-for-one promotion?”; “No more than five items in the changing room”; “Sorry, that's the last one on the mannequin”; “We don't do it in your size”.

Help
We want fetchers and carriers so that we don't have to dress and queue all over again just to get the same item in a different size.

Packaging
More thoughtful packaging. Enough with all the superfluous plastic.