"I am an old man and I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened" - Mark Twain stop worrying

What Is worry? Worry is a very strong feeling of anxiety. It's fear of the unknown - the thought that the worst will happen.

We may become overly concerned with future events. We may engage in repetitive negative self-talk with all the worst case scenarios. A lot of our thoughts will begin with …

"If only ….

I would have stayed at Home"

I would have said"

I made the opposite decision"

Or

"What if …

I get into a car accident?"

I get fired or laid off?"

My teenager gets pregnant?"

I become ill?"

Worry is a behavior - a habitual way of thinking. If your parents were chronic worriers, chances are you will be too - then you'll pass it on to your children. Since worry is a habitual behavior, you do have the ability to overcome it - to replace worry with a more positive habit.

What Do We Worry About?

When it comes to worry, studies have shown the following statistics:

40% never happens - so in essence we are wasting our time by worrying.

30% of what we worry about has already happened. Learn to "let go" and forgive yourself and others. You cannot change the past - no one can.
Accept it for what it is and go on.

12% are needless worries, such as what someone else thinks about us.

10% are petty and unimportant such as we worry about what's for dinner, we worry about being late, we worry about what to wear.

8% of what we worry about actually happens. Of this percentage…

4% of our worries that happen are beyond our control. We cannot change the outcome. These worries may include our health, the death of a loved one or an impending natural disaster. Often times the reality of these events are more bearable than the worry.

4% of what we worry about we have some if not all control over the results. Basically I think this is the consequences of our actions or inaction on the problems and challenges we face.

Given these statistics, you may find it worthwhile asking the following questions:

* How many times do we work ourselves into frenzy over a situation that is beyond our control?

* Why do we allow worry to stress us out so much that we become ill?

* Why do we waste our mental energy with worry?

I can't answer these questions for you. What I can do is offer you techniques to overcome worry. It's up to you to decide to stop the worry habit.
How Can You Stop or Reduce Your Worries?

"Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything." - Mary Hemingway

1. Prepare for the worst - Hope for the best. This comes right from the advice of Dale Carnegie in "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living". Accept the worst possible outcome and then take action to improve upon the worst.

2. Get Busy. When you find yourself beginning to worry - get busy on your to-do list. If you don't have a list - then write one. List your goals and the action steps required to meet them. One of the benefits of your to-do list is you will stop worrying about forgetting something important.

3. Distract Yourself. Call a friend. Read a good book. Watch a funny movie. Take the kids to the park. Take a walk. There's dozens of things you can do.

4. Get Support. Friends and family can be an excellent source of support. Especially if they will tell you how they see things. Sometimes just talking things out, helps the worry go away.

5. Make a Decision. If you're worrying about an unresolved personal or Business issue - then it's time to make a decision. Once you decide what to do, you can begin taking steps for the best possible outcome.

6. Confront the Problem Head-On. It's usually not the problem itself that is causing your worry. It's usually the anticipation of the problem. How will others be affected or react? Deal with the problem as soon as possible.

7. Practice Relaxing. It is important that you take time to totally relax. Close your eyes take long deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. With each breath tell yourself to relax. It just takes a couple of minutes of this exercise for the tension to leave your body.

8. Listen to CDs. This can be your favorite music, brainwave CDs or behavior modification tapes that are designed to dissolve worry and anxiety. (These do not have to be self-hypnotizing or subliminal - but of course you can choose these types of tapes.)

9. Journal. After writing down everything they are worried about in a journal, most people feel a sense of relief. In writing you may have discovered what you are really afraid of, and then you can objectively work on improving the situation.

10. Take Care of Yourself. Get plenty of rest. Eat a healthy diet and exercise. When you nurture your body and mind, it's easier to put things in perspective. It's easier to cope with the unexpected.

11. Count Your Blessings. You have a lot to be thankful for. Look around you … We live in a beautiful world. You can be thankful for your health, your family, your mind, your country, your house, your job, your TV or even your microwave!

12. Monitor Your Thoughts. Be aware of your thoughts and be ready to replace worries with positive thoughts. Be prepared with a positive thought or quote, such as "Calmness is the cradle of power" (Josiah Gilbert Holland).

There are many techniques you can use to stop worrying. The important thing is to consistently use them until the new behavior becomes a habit.

“我活了好几十年了，知道许多令人担忧的问题，但事实上这些问题大部分从未发生过。”----马克·吐温。

远离烦恼

什么是烦恼？烦恼是一种强烈的忧虑感，是对未知的恐惧，即担心最糟糕的事情会发生。

我们可能对未来的事情过度关心，可能会产生消极的想法，一遍一遍地在心里设想着那些可能最糟糕的情景。我们很多忧虑都开始于：

“要是……就好了”

如：要是我留在家就好了

要是我说了……就好了

要是我做了相反的决定就好了

或者

“如果……怎么办”

如果我出了车祸怎么办？

如果丢了工作怎么办？

如果未成年的女儿怀孕怎么办？

如果我生病了怎么办？

烦恼是一种行为---一种习惯性的思考方式。如果你的父母长期忧虑的话，你就有患上忧虑的可能，然后又会传给你的孩子。既然忧虑是一种习惯性行为，你当然有能力克服它，用一种更积极的习惯来代替它。

那么我们都烦恼些什么呢？

相关的调查结果显示了下列数据：

40%的烦恼从未发生过，因此烦恼根本就是浪费时间

30%已经发生过了。既然如此，就要学会“放得下”，原谅自己也原谅别人。没有人能够改变过去。因此应该接受现实，继续面对生活。

12%是完全不必要的烦恼，例如别人会怎么看我们。

10%是一些细枝末节的琐事，如担心迟到，烦恼晚饭吃什么，穿什么衣服。

8%的担心确实发生了，但这只不过是很小一个比例不是吗？

4%已经发生的担忧是我们无法掌控的，我们无力去改变事情的结局。这些担忧可能包括身体状况、一个深爱着的人的死亡或者一场临近的自然灾害。很多时候，担忧要比这些事实本身更加难以忍受。

另外4%担忧的事情，我们可以控制部分的事情结果，如果不是全部的话。我认为，这主要取决于在面对问题和挑战时我们是否采取应对措施。

看了这些数据，你也许觉得应该问问下面几个问题：

有多少次，我们为了一件超出自己掌控范围的事情而把自己折腾得发狂？

为什么要让自己被忧虑压得疲惫不堪，甚至生病？

为什么要浪费精力去烦恼些什么？

我不能回答这些问题，我能做的只是提出一些方法建议，来帮助你克服忧虑。改变忧虑的习惯，关键在于你自己。

怎样才能停止或者减少忧虑？

玛丽·海明威说，“每天烦恼一点点，生命减少好几年。有了问题，如果有能力的话就去解决它，但要试着不去为此而烦恼，要知道，忧虑不能解决任何问题。”

1. 做最好的准备，最好的打算。这正是戴尔·卡内基在"How to Stop Worrying and Start Living"一书中提出的建议。接受最糟糕的结局，然后开始采取措施改善状况。

2. 让自己忙起来。当你发现自己开始忧虑的时候，就去做日程表上的事情吧。没有的话就列出一张来，列出你的目标和达到目标的行动步骤。这样做有一个好处，就是不用担心会忘记一些重要的事情了。

3. 分散注意力。给朋友打打电话，读读好书，看看有趣的电影，带孩子逛公园，散散步……可以做的事情太多了。

4. 获得帮助。家人和朋友是你最好的求助对象，他们如果能够告诉你他们对事情的看法就更好了。有时候你需要的只是倾诉，把话说出来了，烦恼也就消失了。

5. 做出一个决定。如果你正为某个尚未解决的私人或者商务问题而烦恼的话，那么就是做出决定的时候了。做出决定之后，就可以开始采取行动以获得最圆满的结局。

6. 勇敢地直面问题。很多时候，造成你烦恼的并不是问题本身，而是对问题的猜测。例如别人会受到什么样的影响？他们会如何反应等等。尽快地处理好问题吧。

7. 练习放松。安排时间来一次彻底放松，这是很重要的。闭上眼睛，深深地长吸一口气，让气流缓缓进入鼻腔，然后缓缓地从口腔吐出来。每呼吸一次都告诉自己要放松。只需如此练习几分钟，你就会发现身体不那么紧张了。

8. 听CD。可以是你最喜欢的音乐，脑波震动CD，或者专门用来消除烦恼与忧虑的行为修正磁带。（并不一定非要自我催眠或者潜意识类的，当然，你可以选择听什么类型的磁带。）

9. 杂志。大多数人在把担忧的所有事情都写下来投给杂志社以后，都感到了一种轻松感。通过写作你可能把你真正担忧的东西渲泄了出来，这样你就可以开始以一种客观的态度来改善状况。

10. 照顾好自己。要有充足的休息时间，健康的饮食和适当的锻炼。当身体与精神状态都很好的时候，你就能够更轻松地正确看待事情，处理突发事件。

11. 列举一些你可以感恩的事物。你有很多值得感恩的东西，看看你的周围，我们生活在一个美丽的世界里，你的健康，家人，思想，你的国家，房子，工作，电视，甚至你的微波，都应该感恩。

12. 关注你的思想状态。了解自己的思想并且随时准备用积极正面的精神状态代替忧虑，事先要准备好某一种积极的精神状态或者一句引言，例如“镇静是力量的摇篮” （约西亚·吉尔伯特·霍兰）。

帮助你不再忧虑的方法有很多，重要的一点是，要坚持不懈地使用它们，直到新的行为逐渐成为一种习惯。