Humor doesn't typically come to mind in the same breath as depression. But humor can be an important ally in getting beyond the rigidity of thinking that accompanies depression and keeps people locked into a depressed state of mind.

One goal of cognitive therapy is to change your perspective, your point of view. Humor is one way to change your view viscerally—and enjoyably.

Cultivating a humorous mindset helps you see yourself and any situation with a more supple mind so that you are not locked into a negative view. Depression is both caused by and causes the inability to see options and choices we otherwise would.

Take a common situation: someone feels very depressed in the wake of having failed at something. They cancel plans and withdraw from social opportunities. They don't feel "up to it." Under the surface, perhaps out of view of the conscious mind, the person might feel that the failure disqualifies him from the human race. However, turning around and asking out loud, "Does that disqualify me from the human race?" is humorous. It highlights the absurdity of the extreme conclusion.

We're not talking stand-up comedy, but insight-oriented commentary, achieved via anecdote and metaphor. You might feel down from a cutting remark your spouse made. But you could ask yourself: Does that "cutting" remark draw blood? Noting the metaphor puts it in its place—an obnoxious comment, but not a searing one.

Humor fosters acceptance of our humanness and our foibles. It is not sarcasm or put-downs. What we are looking for is gentle, playful perspective that embraces humanness but never at the expense of others—or of ourselves. The goal is not to take life too seriously.

So how to foster good humor?

* Choose to allow yourself to laugh at your own behaviors and beliefs—but not at yourself. Make that distinction clearly.

See your life not as a distraught drama but as a romantic comedy. Recognize the inherent farce-like quality in situations including sex and relationships.

Cultivating humor not only makes life more bearable, it makes you more attractive to others. Study upon study shows that a sense of humor is high up on the list of traits that most people seek in a partner.

* Insert silliness. Fill your life with one goofy thing a day. Make an unusual observation about someone. Or do something you normally wouldn't do. Wear something silly. You will learn that nothing terrible happens—and you may also discover that something good often happens.

* Puncture a rigid mindset with a mental exercise called "paradoxical intention."

Suppose you have to give a speech and you are unduly anxious about looking uncomfortable. You can overcome the fear of failure by deliberately focusing on it and humorously exaggerating the very effects you fear.

Say you are worried about having to speak publicly and sweating profusely. Deliberately imagine a humorous situation where you are—literally—sweating like a fountain and spewing enough to drown the first row of the audience. Accept that you sweat like a fountain; imagine it and then think, what is the worst that could happen?

* Exaggeration is funny because it skewers the falsehood. If you fail at a test or perform poorly at an audition, you could erroneously call yourself a failure. That, however, is an overgeneralization. Alternatively, you could see yourself as someone who failed at this particular thing, but in no way does that stamp you forever in this way.

Find the humor by saying, this makes me an utter wretch, a failure now and forever, a doomed and worthless subhuman, because I didn't get the part that I wanted or my partner isn't giving me the attention I want. Get into the exaggeration until you see the absurdity of seeing yourself as a "total failure."

* Walk down the street remembering that people are nude under their clothes. It reduces fear of others. Such thoughts can take people of high status from deity to human. It helps to remember that everyone yells at their kids, spills ketchup, goes to the bathroom.

* Play to an audience. Think of stories and items that would make others laugh.

* Be sensitive to the words you use. They can rigidify or help loosen up your thinking.

* Create cute, funny neologisms with your partner. Call it goofifying. Creating your own funny expressions for your experiences makes you more flexible and allows you to interpret and assess reality better.

* Smile. Here's a favorite silly joke I can't resist passing along: What does an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac do? Stays up all night and wonders if there is a dog.

幽默感并不总像抑郁那样不期而至。僵固的思维伴随着抑郁，让人沉湎于抑郁中无法自拔，但幽默感可以成为摆脱僵固思维的得力助手。认知治疗的一个目标就是改变你的知觉，改变你看问题的观点。幽默感是一种从内心深处改变你观点的方式——这种改变是愉快的。

培养幽默的心态有助于你了解自己，而且无论在什么状况下都能有一个灵活的头脑，这样就不会局限在消极的观点中无法自拔。一叶障目导致了抑郁，同时，抑郁又让人不能看到别的选择。

举个通俗的例子：随着遭遇失败，某人感到非常抑郁。他取消了计划，放弃了社交机会。他感到无能为力。本质上，也许在意识之外，这人可能会认为失败导致他变成了一个不合格的人。然而换个角度，大声的问自己：“这真的导致我变成了一个不合格的人吗？”这就是幽默。这突出了极端结论的荒谬。我们不是做脱口秀，但顿悟取向的评论通过轶事和隐喻实现。你可能会因为配偶那尖刻的话而心情低落。你可以这样问自己：那些“尖刻的”话让你流血了吗？记录隐喻可以把这放到合适的位置上——可憎的批评，但不是撕心裂肺的。

幽默感鼓励接纳人性和弱点。这不是讽刺挖苦或满不在乎。我们寻求的是一种温和的、打趣的知觉，拥护人性，从以不损害别人或自己为代价。目标是让生活不要那么严肃。

那么，怎样培养良好的幽默感呢？

·让自己嘲笑自己的行为和信念——但不是嘲笑自己。分清两者的区别。

不要把生活看成悲剧，把它看成烂漫的喜剧。承认与生俱来的荒唐滑稽事情——就像性、爱情之类一样。

培养幽默感不仅可以让人更能忍受生活，还可以让人变得更有魅力。诸多研究表明，人们在寻求另一半的时候，普遍认为他/她对幽默的感知是一项重要的特性。

·做点蠢事。每天都做点蠢事。对别人进行与众不同的观察，或者做些你通常不会去做的事情，比如穿身愚蠢的衣服。你会发现，这不会有什么糟糕至极的事情发生——恰恰相反，常常会有好事情发生。

·做一个叫做“矛盾的意图”的思维练习，打破刻板的习惯。

假设你不得不去做演讲，你看上去不自在，你对此很焦虑。你可以把注意力集中在对失败的担心上，幽默的夸大你担心的结果，借此来克服担心。

说你担心在公共场合演讲，你感到汗流浃背。故意想象这样一个幽默的场景：你像喷泉一样在流汗，涌出的汗水淹没了第一排观众。承认自己像喷泉那样流汗；想象这个场景，并想一想：如果那样最糟会如何？

·这种夸张很滑稽，因为它很好的讽刺了那些谬误。如果你考试失败，或者在观众面前表现糟糕，于是你错误的把自己称之为失败者。这是过分概括。换个角度，你可以把自己看作是在某些特定方面失败的人，但一着不慎绝不会全盘皆输。

你可以这样说来发现幽默：这让我变成了一个全然可怜的人，永远的失败者，命中注定的毫无价值的非人类，我无法实现理想，父母也不会注意到我。

·接着往下，记住，每个人的衣服下面同样都是赤裸裸。这减少了对别人的担心。这种想法把“人”放到了“神”之上。这有助于记住：每个人都会为孩子欢呼，都会溢出番茄酱，都会上厕所。

·扮演观众。想想什么故事可以引人发笑。

·对你的用词敏感。这有助于/有碍于你放松思维。

·和你的搭档创造一些可爱的、有趣的新词。比如goofifying。给你的体验创造独有的有趣的表达方式，这能让你更有弹性，更好的解释、评估事实。

·微笑。这有个备受欢迎的笑话，我不禁要告诉给大家：不可知论者、诵读困难的失眠患者做什么？整夜醒着，怀疑那是不是有只狗。