You walk past them one day and they smile at you and suddenly you are walking the same way every day, just to see that smile again. They slowly approach moving closer to you and giving you a little more insight each day about who they are. They have an air of confidence but a shy demeanor. Finally they say hi and you practically drop to your knees with excitement.

This is how a manipulator starts. They usually come into your lives slowly as they read you and figure out your body language, likes and dislikes and even your wardrobe. I was told once that the wisest person in the room was the one who wasn't saying anything, they were listening to everything that was going on. I realized when I became that quiet person, it wasn't just the listening that they were doing. We study you and capture every moment until you become the target. We follow and know every move you make. Then we move in for the kill, get what we want and leave.

So how do you know who we are? Here is a not-so-simple list of things that you can watch for.

1. Attitude

Not so simple to see if you are already hooked, but you can spot it in people. Most of the time you know when people are giving you attitude but that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about how they carry themselves and it isn't an attitude that makes you step back and decide to get defensive. They have perfected what they need to send off as their attitude to make you think you should approach them or allow them to approach you. If you look closely though there is a fine line between who they really are and who they have perfected for you. Trust your first instinct because your subconscious mind may be seeing more than you do. Keep your guard up and watch for theirs to fall occasionally.

2.Too Good To Be True

Like everyone says, “if it's too good to be true.” They are right. If they have too much in common with you be very leery, they have probably studied enough to know about things you may like and can bullshit their way through it. We, I mean they, are really good at that. The perfect sales people. Some of them can read you in a split second.

3.Saving the World

If someone swoops in when they see you are down, they could be a good friend, or they may have just been waiting for the opportunity to sweep you off your feet and save the world. I have a lot of friends that swoop in when I need them, but I can always tell when someone is trying to take advantage of a situation. I guess it is intuition again and hard to explain. But they want to make your world perfect and be your savior. They will constantly be a shoulder to cry on and when the time is right they will pull you in.

4.Overly Reasonable

When they seem perfect and want to be over reasonable about things, like you spending time with your friends, usually there is a hook later. Once you think that they are perfect and you are hooked, they will start cutting you off from the people who love you. It may be a slow process of one friend at a time or one place, like your favorite bar, at a time. Know who your real friends are before you start relying on a new person who says you shouldn't listen to them. Stay on your toes and be watchful of someone who slowly tells you that other people are taking advantage of you.

I have a daughter that doesn't quit seem to get it when people tell her to pay attention to things. She doesn't seem to catch on when people try to tell her what other people might be doing to her. I have to sit down and give her a list and then point things out after they happen. That is not uncommon because she is still kind of young but I worry about what is going to happen when I am not there? Who is going to tell her that she is being manipulated? If I could just teach her to be on her toes and watch for these signs then maybe she will learn. Having a watchful eye and knowing what to look for helps, but some manipulators are very good and they know what you will be looking for. Also, some people who act like this may truly be good people and you don't want to let them go. How do you know which they are? You have to watch and trust your own judgment two things that are very hard to do when someone is flattering you and saving your world.

你和他们擦身而过，他们对你报以微笑，忽然之间你习惯了每天走那条路，只为了能再次见到那个微笑。慢慢地，他们走近了你，让你能够对他们有进一步的了解。他们对你打招呼让后你终于兴奋得拜倒在他们脚下。

这就是一个操纵者是如何开始的。他们经常会走进你的生活，读懂你，理解你的肢体语言、喜欢的、不喜欢的，甚至你的全部服装。曾经有人告诉我一屋子人中，最聪明的那个是什么都不说的人，他们只是聆听、观察正在发生的一切。当我变成那个安静的人之后，我才知道他们并不仅仅是在听。我们分析你、了解你，捕捉你的每个瞬间直到你成为我们的目标。我们跟随你并且了解你所做的每一格动作，然后拿走我们想要的离开。

那你要怎样知道我们是谁呢？这里有一个并不简单的条目你可以参考。

1.态度

要想清楚你是否成为目标并不容易，但是你可以在人群中发现这个。许多时候当有人给你摆架子的时候你会发现，但是这个并不是我想谈的。我要谈的是他们怎样会有怎样的举止和态度，以至于不让你害怕并产生戒备心理。他们力求使自己的态度完美一边你会接近他们或者允许他们接近你。你是否还是看起来容易接近即使他们的举动和真实身份之间有明显的区别。相信自己的第一感觉，因为你的潜意识看到的比你了解得更多。竖起防备，小心不经意间陷入。

2.好得让人难以置信

想大家说得那样，太好就让人难以置信。他们是对的。是否他们和你有太多共同的地方，这样太狡猾了，他们大概已经深入地了解你所喜欢的事情，故而他们可以顺利地实现自己的计划，我们，也就是“他们”，是非常精通这些的。太过完美经常会出卖人，他们中的一些人在看到你的瞬间就能看懂你。

3.拯救世界

如果有人看到你倒了就冲过来，他们可以是一个好朋友，又或者他们他们只是在等候这个机会把你打倒，拯救世界。我与许多朋友，他们总是在我需要的时候出现，但是我经常会分辨出党有人是在利用这个条件。我想这就是直觉吧，难以解释。但是他们想让你的世界变得完美，成为你的救世主。在你想哭的时候，他们总是会给你一个肩膀，然后再合适的时候，把你拥入怀抱。

4.过度的合理

当他们看起来完美无缺并且想要让事情看起来无可挑剔，就像你和朋友相处一样，但是通常之后会有一个陷阱。一旦你发祥他们太过完美并且你上圈套时，他们就会把切断你和关心你的人的联系。It may be a slow process of one friend at a time or one place,像你最喜欢的酒吧，at a time.在你决定依靠一个陌生人who says you shouldn't listen to them的时候，先搞清楚谁是你真正的朋友。当有人告诉你别人是在利用你的时候，冷静下来并且认真观察他的言行。

我的女儿，她总是在别人告诉她留心一些事情的收获满不在乎。当别人试着告诉她有些人会对她做一些事情的时候，她看起来无法理解。我不得不静下来给她列一个清单，然后在事情发生之后给她指出来。这并不稀奇因为她毕竟还是个孩子。但是我担心如果我不在了会发生些什么？在她被控制的时候谁去告诉她？如果我告诉她冷静地观察这些讯息，也许她就会了解。一定要有一双洞悉的眼睛，知道向谁求助，但是有些非常专业的操作者他们知道你在寻找什么。而且，一些有这些做法的人，他们真的是好人，那你可不要让他走开。那你怎么知道他是好是坏呢？你就要认真地观察并且坚信自己的判断。但是当有人奉承你并且可以拯救你的时候，这就很难办到了。