Women freak out. Often at you. Often for no discernible reason.

You say something that you consider totally innocuous, or even downright nice, only to find that you've offended, enraged, or annoyed us.

Your first problem梑eing attracted to women, a very weird group of people—is not going to go away. But here's a problem you can solve: word choice.

You need to know the phrases that, once introduced to her volatile atmosphere, will result in explosion (or quiet contempt—no picnic either). Then you need to strike them from your vocabulary.

Warning: Some of these absolute no-no words and phrases seem so incredibly harmless, you may think we're kidding. We're not.

Lastly, I have provided a list of magic phrases that you can view as get-out-jail-free cards. Use them sparingly. Forbidden Phrases
1."Relax."

It might seem logical to you to tell a woman who's freaking out to relax. And if "logical" meant the same thing as "stupidest idea ever," you'd be correct.

Understand, a woman screaming and carrying on in anger or frustration or panic thinks that her response is 100 percent appropriate.

If the inciting situation has anything to do with you, she feels she has a responsibility to freak out extra to compensate for your maddening calm.

So when you tell her to relax, you're implying that your response梚.e., nothing梚s correct. You're denying that there's a reason to be upset. You're telling her she's crazy.

Women may sometimes feel crazy and joke about it, but anything smacking of accusations of being crazy will be far from soothing.

Say this instead: "I'm just as upset about this as you are. Let's deal with it together."

This way she knows you're totally sympathetic. This should help her to ... oh, God ... relax.
2."I love you." (During a fight)

In movies, "I love you" is usually employed by men during I-love-you朼ppropriate situations—lovemaking, walks on the beach, airport reunions.

In real life, a woman hears "I love you" most often at that point in a fight when she desperately wants to get to the heart of the issue, and when you desperately want to stop this nonsense and watch Lost—which you don't normally even watch.

When you come home shirtless from a bachelor party or forget our birthdays and stand there in the face of our rage and crushing disappointment, do you really believe that merely stating the powerful existence of your love is going to make everything okay? Because it's not.

Say this instead: 1. "[Insert detailed explanation of what you did and why you did it.]" 2. "It won't happen again." 3. "I love you." (It's okay at the end of the apology, just not at the beginning.)

And when you go to a bachelor party, take along an extra shirt.
3."It's up to you."

This is also known as "Whatever you want to do is fine with me."

Relationships are full of decisions. You decide where to eat, where to go on vacation, where to send your child to preschool.

Most men wouldn't dream of looking at their wife or girlfriend and saying, "You know what? I just don't care." They would, however, say, "It's up to you." And find themselves in a world of hurt they never saw coming.

Men think of decision-making as work without pay. For women, it's like window-shopping for life's possibilities, and we want you to help us shop. So when you say, "It's up to you," we feel abandoned.

Say this instead: "I could definitely do A or B, but I'm not crazy about C. What are you thinking?" This shows you're listening, suggests you care, and gets you out of deciding.
4."You knew I was this way when you married me."

Well, the truth is that we didn't. Or we knew deep down, but we were so busy enjoying our fantasy of you that we chose to ignore what was really there. It's not your fault.

It's just that when we were little, we spent so much time daydreaming about having the perfect life. Now that we're actually in grown-up life, we can't turn off our daydreaming switch.

Telling a woman, "You knew I was this way when you married me" is like saying the way your life is right now is the way it's going to be forever and ever. And that may well be true—in many wonderful and not-so-wonderful ways.

But if she were to accept that, a little part of her would die.

Say this instead: "It frustrates me, too—and I'm working on it." It's a lie. That's okay.
5.(Saying Nothing)

At times, you may be afraid of saying the wrong thing. You may think, "If I just keep my mouth shut, I'll be okay."

Well, no. Imagine you're pitching in a baseball game in which there is no hitter, not even a catcher. You would not enjoy that. Imagine yourself, head hanging, going to retrieve the ball yourself and, once again, throwing it to no one.

That's how we feel when you don't talk to us.

Say this instead: Throw the ball back. Throw it badly. Even risk throwing a wild pitch and letting her take an extra base. But keep your head in the game.

Magic Words
1."Just tell me everything."

I don't think a man has ever actually uttered this statement, so make history. Here's the thing: Our most violent anger is often the result of anticipating being forced to shut up.

So once we're told we can give our entire, endless account—no rushing or defending ourselves—we cool off. Side benefit: We also get a little intimidated. We think, "Is this part important or interesting or relevant?" We edit ourselves.

2."You are just so beautiful."

The trick: You must say it as if it's just occurring to you at the moment, as if her pulchritude were a rainbow suddenly in your path, the stunningness of which has left you incapacitated, emotionally stunted, but in a good way.

Say it as if you can remember little else—certainly not whatever irksome matter you were just discussing. Works well as an alternative to "I love you"—but, the same way butter makes anything taste better, it's all-purpose.
3."Sorry. It was my fault."

So classic. So hard to say. Because it's never all your fault, of course—and it's a very rare case in which she shouldn't also say she's sorry.

Everyone likes to save face, especially men. But truly, there is nothing hotter to a woman than a man who's willing to admit he was wrong because he just loves her so damn much.

You might feel like you're losing her respect, but unless you're always the one to apologize (which means you have a crazy lady on your hands), trust me, you're gaining it.

女人会发疯，尤其是对着你。尤其是由于些莫名其妙的理由。

你说一些你认为完全无伤大雅，或甚至是非常友好的，却没料到你已经冒犯，激怒，骚扰了我们。

你的第一个问题：被女人所吸引，一群非常奇怪的群体，不会走开。但是这里有一个问题是你可以解决的那就是：措词。

你需要知道那些你在轻快的场合说出却造成爆炸性的结果（或者是安静的轻视--同样是陷入麻烦）的词语，然后你需要把它们从你的字典里去除。

忠告：那些字词可能完全没有攻击性，你可能会认为我们只是开玩笑，可事实上我们并不是。

最后，我提供了一魔力词句清单，你可以看作是逃离监狱自由的王牌。不断地运用它们。被禁止的词组：

1。“放松”

你告诉一个发疯的女人放松似乎是有道理的。 并且如果这个“有道理的”意味着“最愚蠢的主意”，那么你就是对的。

你要明白，一个正在尖叫，举止失常带着愤怒挫败不安的女人认为他们的反应是百分之一百适当的。

如果这令人激动的处境和你有任何关系，那么她会认为她有更发疯来补偿你令人发狂的冷静的权利。

所以当你叫她放松，你是在暗示她你的回应是正确的，你在否认的确有不安的理由。你在告诉她疯了。

女人可能有时会变得疯狂并开玩笑。但任何带有在发疯指责的味道会使气氛远离和谐甜蜜。

改为说这个：“我和你一样对此感到不安。让我们一起来处理吧。”

这样她就知道你完全赋有同情心。这会帮她。。。哦上帝。。。放松！

2。“我爱你”（在争吵中）

在电影中，“我爱你”是男人在“我爱你”适当的场合所说的例如做爱，在海滩上散步，或者是在机场重遇的时候。

但在现实生活中。女人常常在争吵中听到“我爱你”。例如当她非常渴望涉及问题的核心，或是你非常渴望指责这些无谓，而去看你平时可能都不太看的迷失。

当你不穿衬衣从单身聚会回来，或是忘了我们的生日并站在那里面对我们的愤怒却只是想要消除这些失望，你真的认为仅仅注明你有力的爱的存在能让一切变好吗？因为它不能。

改为说这个：１。“插入详细的你做了什么为什么会做这个的原因。”2。“以后再也不会了。”3。“我爱你”（在最后道歉的时候说可以，而不是开场白。）

并且当你去单身聚会的时候，多带一件衬衣。

3。“由你决定。”

这就好像是“不管你想做什么我都可以。”

在两人的关系中是充满决定的。在哪里吃饭去哪里旅行，把孩子送到哪里上幼儿园你拿主意。

大多数的男人不会奢望看着他们的妻子或是女朋友并说“你知道么，我其实不在乎。”而是说“由你来决定吧。”并发现他们在充满伤害并且始料不及的世界中。

男人认为做决定是吃力不讨好的事。对于女人，就好像在逛街的时候，我们希望你来帮我们挑选。而你说“有你来年决定吧。”我们感到被遗弃了。

改为说这个：“我当然能做A或B，但我不会对C疯狂。你认为呢？”这说明你在听，说明你在乎，并同样让你不用做决定。

4."你知道你嫁给我之前我就是这样的啦。"

事实上是，我们并不知道。或者我们内心深处知道，但是我们只是太陶醉于对你的幻想，而决定忽略事实的真相。这不是你的错。

就好像是当我们还是小孩子的时候，我们花费许多时间梦想着未来的完美生活。但现在当我们在这成人世界中，我们仍然不能关掉我们白日做梦的开关。

对一个女人说“在你嫁给我之前你就知道我是这样的啦”就好像是在说你现在所过的生活将是你以后的生活永远都是。并且这有可能会是真的。在许多美好活并不那么美好的日子里。

但如果她将接受这些，那么一小部分的她将死去。

改为说这个：“这也很让我恼火，但我正在努力。”这是个谎话。但没关系。

5。（什么都不说。）

有时，你会害怕说错话。你会想说“如果我闭上我的嘴，那么我就会没事了。”

事实上并不是。想象下你在没有击球手没有接球员的棒球比赛中投球。你不会喜欢的。想象下，你垂着头，自己找回球然后又一次把球扔出去给自己。

当你不和我们说话，这就是我们的感受。

改为说这个：把球扔回来。用力扔。即使这可能会让她要跑更多个出发点，但一定要让你自己在游戏中。

魔法词语：

1。“把每件事情都告诉我。”

我不认为有任何一个男人发表过这样的声明，那就让它成为历史吧。这就是事态：我们最生气的就是被要求闭嘴。

所以一旦我们被告知我们可以给与我们所有的没有尽头的说明--并不是帮我们自己说话， 那我们就会平静下来。附带的好处：我们会变得有点害羞。 我们会想：“这部分会不会重要有意思并且有关联呢”我们自己会编辑。

2。“你真的是太漂亮了。”

小策略：你说的时候必须是此刻这正在发生在你身上。好像她的美丽是你道路上的彩虹，她的惊艳让你丧失了所有能力，完全折服。

好像是你只能再想起少许事情－－当然不是刚才讨论的不论什么让你烦恼的事情。这就好像是和“我爱你”起到同样的作用。就好像是同样的牛油让其他东西都尝起来更好味道。这就是所有的目的了。

3。“对不起，这是我的错。”

太经典了，却很难说出口。因为这当然从来不是只有你的错，或者她不需要同样也为此道歉。

每个人都爱面子，尤其是男人。但真的，没有什么比一个愿意承认他错了的男人对女人来说更热辣的。因为他真的只是太爱她了。

你可能会认为你正在失去她对你的尊重。但除非你常常是那个道歉的人。（这只能证明你有个常常发疯的女人在手上。）相信我，你正在得到她的尊重。